Stupid, sexy Jesus...
this post was submitted on 03 Feb 2024
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Hey if you are going to take the body of Christ in your mouth...
Nothin’ at all! . . .
. . . Nothin’ at all! . .
You want a Jesus movie starring Jared Leto? Because this is how you get a Jesus movie starring Jared Leto.
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Can't help but notice that no one's mad about him being white, but being hot is out of the question.
People really need to drop the whole "people in the middle east in the first century couldn't be white" thing.
2 Kings 5:27 is literally about a subpopulation who have ancestrally passed skin as white as snow.
Lamentations 4:7 is about how pre-captivity there were people with skin like milk and a ruddy appearance.
Dead Sea Scroll fragment 4Q534 is either describing Noah or the Messiah as having red hair.
One of the more fascinating finds in this tomb, one that has not received much attention, was the preservation of a sample of Jewish male hair. The hair was lice-free, and was trimmed or cut evenly, probably indicating that the family buried in this tomb practiced good hygiene and grooming. The length of the hair was medium to short, averaging 3-4 inches. The color was reddish.
- The Only Ancient Jewish Male Hair Ever Found (from the same century as Jesus)
The tradition is also really concerned with skin checks and describes what may be skin cancer as its leprosy. Something that occurs at a much higher rate in redheads.
There's even a scene where the eponymous founder of Edom ('red') who is born with hair all over his body and named Esau either because of that hair or the reddish porridge he ate, either gives away or has his birthright/blessing stolen from him by the guy later renamed 'Israel' in the Bible.
There's a lot more to this and the underlying history, but the notion that the middle east was a monolith of appearances and that no one with pale skin or lighter hair were present is preposterous and a modern falsification of historical realities.
Jesus was probably darker skinned and haired than typically depicted, but it is by no means a certainty as it is popularly presented as.
Because its really not about whether or not the historical Jesus was or could have been white - its about the fact that white cultures will almost exclusively portray Jesus as being their own race for reasons that have nothing to do with historical interpretation of demographics is the middle east in ~0ad
People calling out White Jesus arent doing so because of a 'notion that the middle east was a monolith of appearences', but instead because of a hypocrisy of many Christian groups - in particular in the evangelical American right - to almost literally whitewash Jesus to look more like themselves, while often dehumanizing the people that look like Jesus 'probably' looked like.
Its really not about a historical question of the average middle-eastern skin colour two millenia ago. I assure you that the vast majority of 'White Jesus' portrayers have not engaged with that question and do not care about the answer. So to look to that as a refutation of the criticism is really missing the point.
Yeah Herodotus talks about a lot of peoples with different physical characteristics too. Although TBF like the old testament, it's written centuries before Jesus, I'm not sure the same applies to both time periods.
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Reminded me of this passage:
"You've never seen a crucifix with a Jesus who wasn't almost naked. You've never seen a fat Jesus. Or a Jesus with body hair. Every crucifix you've ever seen, the Jesus could be shirtless and modeling designer jeans or men's cologne...
Nobody wants to worship you if you have the same problems, the same bad breath and messy hair and hangnails, as a regular person. You have to be everything regular people aren’t. Where they fail, you have to go all the way. Be what people are too afraid to be. Become whom they admire. People shopping for a messiah want quality. Nobody is going to follow a loser. When it comes to choosing a savior, they won't settle for just a human being."
-Survivor by Palahniuk
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SMH the Son of Man can't be a hunk anymore? RIP so many classical European artists
Yeah he was actually fat, bald, white guy from New Jersey
Carl H Christ from ATHF
Ehhhey hey there fry man. Peace be wit chas or, uh, sumthin
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But Jesus’ light skin and blues eyes suggest that he is not Middle Eastern but European-born. And the faux-Hebrew script embroidered on Mary’s cuffs and hemline belie a complicated relationship to the Judaism of the Holy Family.
Oh yeah
You’ve gotta remember that Jesus is half god and as we know god is white.
They just wanted something that people would look at and think:
Oh. My. GOD.
The artist says he used his son as a model: https://elcorreoweb.es/maspasion/un-cristo-joven-y-resucitado-anuncia-la-semana-santa-de-sevilla-de-2024-BF9117056
It may be hard to understand but the Holy Week in southern Spain is not really about religion (as in faith). It's kind of like football: people are fucking crazy about it, it has it's lore and it's huuuge but honestly, you're not going to see a single priest during the whole event and no one goes to church or prays. It's like a religion themed festival. Sexy Jesus fits perfectly. People can relax about it.
The ONE thing the bible says about his appearance is that he was average looking
I was like huh does the Bible really say that? It doesn't use those words, but yeah it says he was born as a baby and then grew physically larger as he grew up
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fax
This was average back then! We're actually getting fuglier as a species
Um that was written by someone who died hundreds of years before Jesus was born.
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Fictional character is reimagined and fanboys are annoyed, water is wet.
Fictional?
Virtually all modern scholars of antiquity agree that Jesus existed historically.
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Throw the nuns and monks a bone. If they can't spontaneously orgasm looking at Jesus' groin and abs, after years of abstentinence, early morning mass becomes a bit of slog. I mean orgasm metaphorically of course, because they're so devout.
I'll quote Saint Teresa of Jesus:
In his hands, I saw a great golden spear, and at the iron tip there appeared to be a point of fire. This he plunged into my heart several times so that it penetrated to my entrails. When he pulled it out I felt that he took them with it, and left me utterly consumed by the great love of God. The pain was so severe that it made me utter several moans. The sweetness caused by this intense pain is so extreme that one cannot possibly wish it to cease, nor is one’s soul content with anything but God. This is not a physical but a spiritual pain, though the body has some share in it—even a considerable share.
eh, Buddy Christ did it better
Come on, he died at 33 and was propably at least charismatic... Now find a palestinian that looks as this and you are good (that's the tricky part, but not impossible).
Yeah in Sevilla Easter is THE holiday so I'm sure this is gonna play out fascinatingly well...
"Easter poster depicting a handsome, fresh-faced White Jesus prompts criticism in Spain"
ftfy
I'm an atheist, but I was raised Roman Catholic.
These people that attempt to paint Jesus as some clean cut, light skinned fashion model is some prosperity gospel shit that intentionally glosses over the teachings of Jesus Christ as written in the New Testament.
Jesus had disdain for those that reveled in greed and decadence. He basically told them they wouldn't be welcome in heaven as they were. If Jesus were real, I can't imagine he'd be pleased being portrayed as some stylish, vain douche of means.
If Christians actually practiced the teachings of Jesus Christ of the new testament, I might not have been so quick to run away. That would involve praising selflessness, acceptance of different cultures, and giving till it it hurts, and shunning greed, gluttony, vanity, and self-interest though, so it was always a non-starter.
The teachings of Jesus of Nazareth are just plain wholly incompatible with the modern global economy, which is human civilization's true god.
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