Wasn't prepared for all the dudes telling me to beat my kids : dadsplain

[–] schwim@reddthat.com 18 points 10 months ago (2 children)

You hang around some fucked up people. Nobody ever made a comment like that to me while raising my daughter.

[–] dustyData@lemmy.world 23 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

Typically, physical violence towards boys is seen as normal, expected and necessary. As violence is seen as the natural realm of males. While girls are perfect flowery princesses that must be protected. At least until puberty when everyone* who is not their parent seems to regard every teen girl as an incubator.

*: People who uncritically abscribe to traditional misogynistic conceptions of gender.

[–] some_guy@lemmy.sdf.org 5 points 10 months ago

Bah. I love my friends’ kids but I’m not above joking that the dad should abandon his family when he can’t hang out. Or tie them to a stake in the backyard when he can’t get a sitter. Absurdity is funny when it’s obvious that it’s absurd.

[–] cynar@lemmy.world 14 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

I've never used corporal punishment, and I never will. Our worst case punishment is time-out (1 minute per year old). I still remember hearing about her reaction from her grandmother. The sheer horror on her face, when she discovered that nanny knew about time-outs!

Even timeouts generally aren't needed. It's been over half her lifetime since we last used it. Her respect and love for us is more than enough to enforce good behaviour. We actually have to be careful, the smallest bit of upset from us creates a disproportionate reaction in her. Knowing she's disappointed mummy or daddy hurts her more than any amount of beating with fists (open or closed) could achieve.

Just to add.

If people do advocate (even jokingly) for spanking, I take it seriously. I point out I am using the best scientific knowledge we currently have, to achieve the best results for her. If they don't immediately back down, with their tail between their legs, I point them at something like this :

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3447048/

I do try and be kind with the older generations however. They didn't know better, and often we're doing the best they could. That's no excuse for not adapting their advice to the times however.

[–] sibannac@sh.itjust.works 14 points 10 months ago

I don't remember the lessons smacked into me as a child, but I did learned to avoid them by being pleasing and anxious about doing something wrong. Corporal punishment only serves the purpose of giving a feeling of control.

[–] BCsven@lemmy.ca 13 points 10 months ago

Consistent parenting, with follow through on consequences is obviously the best way. But some parents never provide expectationa or consequences and those are the kids the get the "they deserve a good smack" from the grandparent comments

[–] hitmyspot@lemmy.world 12 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Wow, I've never had that.

[–] ezmack@lemmy.ml 8 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Man I must be around a lot of shitheads I'd say at least a half dozen times

[–] sbv@sh.itjust.works 6 points 10 months ago

I'm with hitmyspot. Nobody has ever told me to hit my kids.

[–] copymyjalopy@sh.itjust.works 10 points 10 months ago (1 children)

I've had a conversation or two that went like that. Weird strangers telling me I should be kicking my kids ass. And they say it in front of my kids too.

[–] Wooki@lemmy.world -3 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) (1 children)

If you’ve got parents around you telling you your kids are floating turds I’d have a good hard look at how you’re parenting. Or hey if everyone around you is insane maybe it’s just everyone is insane…

[–] protist@mander.xyz 0 points 9 months ago

"a conversation or two"...

[–] Xariphon@kbin.social 9 points 10 months ago

Know what? That their dad is a physically abusive loser who can't get his point across in words?

Goddamn ridiculous.

[–] full_on_rapist@sh.itjust.works 9 points 10 months ago

My own mother encourages me to beat my kids, just like she did to me. And the bitch wonders why I don't answer her phone calls.

[–] pixxelkick@lemmy.world 8 points 10 months ago

Thankfully this mentality seems to be onn the decline overall. Progress is slow but steady.

[+] ILikeBoobies@lemmy.ca -14 points 10 months ago (1 children)

https://biblehub.com/proverbs/13-24.htm

[–] SnakeRattleNRoll@lemmy.world 12 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Hopefully you don't reference that thing to determine your morality

[–] ILikeBoobies@lemmy.ca 5 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

If someone derives right and wrong from something/someone else then it’s not morality

I grew up in a very anti-religious community there was one person in my grade that followed some sort of Christianity but I never talked to her

All that to say I just find it funny

[+] baconisaveg@lemmy.ca -34 points 10 months ago (4 children)

Nothing wrong with a spanking, unless you ask the pussies raising kids with zero respect these days.

[–] Metz@lemmy.world 12 points 10 months ago (1 children)

That would get you 6 months to 10 years in jail in germany. its a crime to hit you kids here. righfully so.

[–] jerkface@lemmy.ca 10 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

There is nothing wrong with striking a harmless child? Buddy, you're broken.

[–] PuddingFeeling907@lemmy.ca 9 points 10 months ago

Spanking defenseless children is abuse. You knucklehead.

[–] cynar@lemmy.world 5 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Corporal punishment breeds fear, not respect.

What does is loving, present, interested parents, combined with consistent, logical rules, with consistent consequences.

Spanking will work in the short term, at the cost of significant damage to their adult psyche. It's insidious, hard to fix later. When the foundations of trust are shattered, everything else following is built of a bed of sand.

[+] baconisaveg@lemmy.ca -9 points 10 months ago (2 children)

That must be why entire generations of people were ruined. Thank god this generation figured it out!

[–] cynar@lemmy.world 4 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Arguably, a lot were.

And we haven't gotten it figured out. Accepting that is the first step towards improvement. We've simply turned the best method of improving things on the problem. It turned out that many people were thriving despite the beatings, rather than because of them.

We will still make mistakes, but, if we do it right, they will be lesser. The generations following can learn more, fix more, and build higher again.

[–] baconisaveg@lemmy.ca -3 points 10 months ago (1 children)

There's a gulf of difference between "I was spanked as a kid for stealing a candy bar" to "that's child abuse and deserves 10 years in prison". Advocating for subjecting a child to the foster system because a poor, tired, single mother of 3 kids resorted to spankings is ridiculous. People in this sub need to check themselves.

[–] cynar@lemmy.world 2 points 10 months ago

You wouldn't get 10 years for a simple spanking. Just like you wouldn't get 10 years for slapping a police officer.

The countries with those laws on the books have them as a deterrent, primarily. They are intended for when kids are left with broken bones, scars and missing teeth from their punishment.

Generally the tool of choice is education. Spanking breaks the trust between the parent and the vulnerable child. That trust is the key to getting positive change. The use of other methods gets better results. This makes life easier for the mother, and happier for everyone involved.

Question for you. If the line shouldn't be drawn at "any physical violence" where should it be drawn? Is caning ok? Extinguishing cigarettes on them? Punching? Hitting with a baseball bat? How would you clarify acceptable Vs unacceptable?

[–] jerkface@lemmy.ca 3 points 10 months ago

Sophistry. Is it your position that no one was ever "ruined" by spanking? Then you're just in denial of reality. Keep your bullshit to yourself.

Lemmy Dadsplain