No Stupid Questions

Don't compare yourself to other people. Compare yourself to who you were yesterday.

Do you have a goal? Set realistic achievable milestones. Come up with a 5 year plan of how you're going to get where you want to be.

I went to high school with a couple of people who went on to do truly incredible, world class things. Both of then in fields I treated as a hobby / entertainment. Meanwhile, I've been midlevel mediocre at everything.

And I figured out years too late that I completely blew it when it came to three separate relationships, any one of which would have been life changing for the good. I was just very, very stupid and thought relationships came around like a bus service.

Now that I'm much older it grieves deeply me all the things I took for granted. All the missed opportunities. All because of some mix of laziness, lack of a long term perspective, lack of focus, lack of self discipline, and cowardice. Looking back, I realize many of my peers were more mature and focused.

I have to accept that I am a fundamentally unremarkable person and have burned up most of my good years of potential. I try not to dwell on these dark thoughts all of the time. But there's no way to truly come to peace with it.

I don't care much about "leaving a legacy". Just wish I'd made better decisions, especially when it comes to finding and keeping a loving partner.

One of the biggest rules I adhere to that has changed my life is "Nothing is supposed to be anything"

Without getting super philosophical, what do you believe the goal of life is?

It's very easy to look at people that are allegedly achieving more than us and believe that there is something wrong with us or that we can do more, etc. This type of comparisons invite introspection and can be helpful sometimes to motivate oneself, but most of the times they are a road to depression.

Here is how I look at it: if I died tomorrow would I be okay with who I am? Of course I want to do more, grow, make an impact, etc, but ultimately IMHO life is about whatever you want it to be. There is no ultimate goal, there is no recipe, we ultimately all die.

Enjoy life right now. Don't worry too much about what other people are doing and create your own meaning.

“Comparison is the theft of joy.”

Just focus on being a better version of yourself than the day before, small gains lead to major momentum over time. Don’t be too hard on yourself, just keep moving in a positive direction consistently. Little bits add up quite a lot with time.

i am going to tell you some universal truths.

1. first truth: you will not fully understand these truths. though i list them here clearly, you will still learn them the hard way.

2. do not compare yourself to others. regardless of how you measure their success, you will find only a brief moment of satisfaction upon outdoing them, followed swiftly by regret, insecurity, and, not long after that, emotional crisis.

3. financial and professional success are antithetical to happiness and fulfillment at least as often as they aren't.

4. you can only ever know yourself. everyone's life is a series of choices. only you can know what choices are the right ones for you. you cannot know anyone else's choices. you cannot know if anyone else is making the right or wrong choices. you cannot know what motivates others. your dataset for anyone else is so incomplete as to prevent the drawing of any good conclusions. no good reason to compare yourself to anyone. but when you do, there's no good reason to feel bad about it, or good about it, and certainly no good reason to feel bad instead of good.

5. what follows is a cliche, but it is not a cliche: your life begins now, and now, and now. you can only do something now. not back then and not in a bit. now. really understand this. if you're not happy now, it's because you keep doing things that make you unhappy. now, if you're not happy now, it's because you're still not doing anything to make yourself happy. what are you doing to make yourself unhappy?

6. you're making yourself unhappy. it's not them making you unhappy. they might be doing things you're not happy with, but you're the one doing unhappiness. now, if you want to bank all your happiness and fulfillment on outdoing these people, that's fine, but it's going to be awhile. years, decades, you're entire life, perhaps. but, don't forget number 2: happiness can't be found on this route. i wonder what it would look like, what choices you'd have to make, to be happy, and much sooner?

let me know how it goes. also, apologies for the length. it's all stream of consciousness and i'm to lazy to edit.

homework: read The Tao of Pooh

❤️

Comparison is the thief of joy.

Its time for me to read desiderata again.

I like to focus on the little things rather than the big achievements. The big things are fun for strangers and the gram, but my family and friends care more about my homemade lasagna, the cool things I knit and the hugs and advice I give them when they're going through it. I press myself to achieve, but I doubt I'll ever get my own wiki page or anything.

Most people feel like this, in my experience. People usually don't feel totally satisfied with their accomplishments, but will assume everyone else is very satisfied with theirs. In reality, most people feel neutral about their situation 99% of the time, no matter how good it is. Past a certain point, when you've accommodated all your lower-level needs like food and safety, the only way to get legitimately happier is to count your blessings and be thankful for what you have, instead of chasing something you perceive as "better". Those things almost never actually make you happier, especially if they're materialistic.

Most people also show to others a fake version of themselves that has basically no problems in life. It's important to remember that what you see isn't usually what you get with most people. There are some who present themselves as being extremely happy but are severely depressed. It's important not to compare your genuine self to people's front-facing personas.

Only 99%?

To answer the topic question, no I don’t, and its not a good thing. I’ve pushed it too hard for too many years and now my mind and body are suffering from that toll. And it wasn’t worth it.

My advice is take up a few hobbies, and enjoy life. Don’t bother chasing others or “Keeping up with the Jones.” Enjoy existing, because it is short.

You're a good candidate for taoist philosophy. While I'm not sure what having absolutely no long term goals really feels like, I've had them my whole life, I can tell you that people have their own paths, and its in this diversity of paths that one of our strengths as a species lies. This is why authoritarians suck on the modern battlefield--too much conformity, leaves them inflexible. We allow diversity of thought and encourage initiative and independent action, in our militaries.

I don't think you should look to other people's accomplishments if accomplishing those things was never your goal in the first place, though. Was your goal, perhaps, learning? If so, those folks usually wind up with an eventual responsibility of handing their knowledge down to future generations, once it is accumulated sufficiently. I don't see how that contribution is worth any less than a start-up though.

I get that all the time.

Graduated with a History degree ten years ago, spent 18 months afterwards unemployed because my degree closed many more doors than it opened, spent another 3 years working in dead-end customer service roles then worked my way up into a finance career. Last week I got my 'big break' where I managed to avoid redundancy and secure a financial reporting role that's relevant to my ACCA studies. This is one of those rare times where the stars aligned.

My love life (or lack thereof) is my biggest grievance with life. People my age are married/cohabiting and have children of their own, meanwhile I am turning 32 in the next two months and still haven't even lost my virginity because from my experience, women have often been very frigid and judgmental.

1. don't compare your life to other peoples. Everyone has their own path to follow. Some people are simply more motivated than others, and that's okay. As soon as I accepted I wasn't a money hungry ladder climber and just wanted peaceful stress free life carved on my own terms my goals were much more clear.

2. figure out what you really want. A person is like a ship at sea, it must have a destination, something to work towards, otherwise it floats adrift aimlessly. Picture what you want in your mind and want it so bad that you have to have it. If you don't know what it is, think harder and dream in your minds eye until a picture arises.

For me? That seems low to be honest.

I feel I should be more adventurous. Every weekend comes by and I find myself just being a homebody, pretty much since COVID.

I think the trick is to find a hobby and / or get out be adventurous more often.

Having good friends is helpful, but those are so hard to come by later on in life.

Maybe I am the wrong person to answer, but no. I've had one hell of a life so far. I worked in television, I interned for the Walt Disney Company, I served in the military, and as a result, traveled the world and lived in Europe. I even was a part of the convoy that recused Joe Biden in Afghanistan (my role was minor but I was there). All of that started because I didn't want to stay in my hometown and left to pursue something much more interesting.

Remember to find a balance. You might have been doing the right things for the wrong reasons. Questioning is good...