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Naïve Toddler Getting Awfully Attached To 90-Year-Old Grandmother (www.theonion.com)

submitted 1 year ago by Kata1yst@kbin.social to c/theonion@midwest.social

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DAVENPORT, IA—Perplexed by the toddler’s affection for the nonagenarian, sources confirmed Tuesday that local 2-year-old Ava Kerper was getting awfully attached to her 90-year-old grandmother. “She knows the average life expectancy is like, 77, right?” said the sources, who scoffed while watching the child demonstrate her complete and embarrassing obliviousness, wrapping her arms around her grandmother and announcing, “You’re my favorite!” “Personally, if I were going to choose a favorite person in the whole wide world, I’d choose someone with more than six months to live, tops, but hey, you do you, I guess. Christ, this is not going to end well. If this kid’s not careful, Grandma will die with Ava on her lap, and then she’ll live with that regret.” At press time, sources confirmed it was Kerper’s own fault for not learning her lesson with her 98-year-old grandfather.

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[–] DestroyerOfWorlds@sh.itjust.works 24 points 1 year ago (1 children)

She's going to make the same mistake with the family dog. Ava, they've had that Golden Retriever since before you were born. Do the math.

[–] Kata1yst@kbin.social 12 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Seriously. This child needs to get out of her dream world and join the real world. I blame irresponsible millennial parents.

[–] DestroyerOfWorlds@sh.itjust.works 6 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Doesn't have linkedIn profile or anything. #nohussle

[–] Lolman228@kbin.social 2 points 1 year ago

Doubt they even know MLA format smh. They don't teach kids like they used to.

[–] The_Picard_Maneuver@startrek.website 6 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Surely this would make more sense if it was her great grandmother.

[–] Kata1yst@kbin.social 9 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Look, I'm not here for it to "make sense".

[–] The_Picard_Maneuver@startrek.website 3 points 1 year ago (3 children)

Lol, I just couldn't help doing the math because I have a toddler and a grandmother close to the same ages.

[–] Serinus@lemmy.ml 4 points 1 year ago (2 children)

That's kind of weird, isn't it? What kind of screwed up family tree is required for that to happen? Your great grandparents must be in exceptional health.

[–] The_Picard_Maneuver@startrek.website 2 points 1 year ago

Haha, this took me a second.

[–] Kata1yst@kbin.social 1 points 1 year ago

Average Crusader Kings game material right there.

[–] ReluctantMuskrat@lemmy.world 2 points 1 year ago

It's possible. My mom was 46 when I was born and if she'd been born to her mother at the same age, this could have almost been me. But grandma passed at 88 yrs old, so not quite.

[–] SuzyQ@sh.itjust.works 2 points 1 year ago (1 children)

It took me too long to realize that MY grandmother is 98 and my youngest child would fit in this scenario.... and my kids are the great-grandchildren and she their great-grandmother. 🤦 My kids haven't been toddlers in several years now, but they actually love spending time with her when we visit.

[–] The_Picard_Maneuver@startrek.website 3 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Damn 98!

We should all be so lucky! It's great that your kids have gotten this much time with her.

[–] SuzyQ@sh.itjust.works 2 points 1 year ago

I'm glad so too. I can only hope to live as long as she has and to be surrounded by so much love.