I don't think it's sexist. It's just rude, no matter who you're asking. I'd equate it to someone asking me to dress differently as if it's my job to please them.
this post was submitted on 03 Jan 2025
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Something I watched in my women empowerment group I go too on YouTube called "miss representation"
It's a old somewhat interesting documentary but may help understand.
Because men are "allowed" to look however they want, grouchy, happy or 'keep the fuck away from me'. If a women does it she's got "resting bitch face" or gets told to smile. It's just a subtle way of saying "you don't look right here let me change you". If you kept saying it to guys they'd tell you to fuck off.
"you don't look right here let me change you"
That’s pretty fucking rude. I am continually amazed by how much women are expected to tolerate.
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Tell us a story of the last time you witnessed someone telling a man to smile because he would look so much better if he did.
I can't, either. That's why.
I can tell you 100 stories of telling a man to eat more so that they wouldn't be so skinny.
I agree with the sentiment, but I, a man, actually have customers tell me to smile more weirdly often working retail.
That's one exception that doesn't surprise me. Do you have any sense of how often they are doing this with intentional irony compared to with genuine obliviousness?
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Good point.
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It's sexist because you wouldn't risk asking a man to smile. It's disrespectful because you don't get to control another person's facial expressions. It's intrusive because you disrupt another person's thoughts with your selfishness. You aren't the centre of the world. Other people get to have their own feelings and since women are people that includes them.
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I think it’s because they usually mean “Shut up, I don’t care what you’re thinking about, just be pretty.”
This was posted 4 times, you may want to remove the duplicates.
I would agree that people look better when they smile, but I think that it is considered sexist because women are asked to smile where men are not, in similar situations. I believe that women feel it is controlling, and since it's requested/required of women more often then men, their perspective is that it is sexist.
Would you feel okay with a woman asking you to flex? I would, but if it became something that happened on a regular basis, I think it would quickly become annoying to me.
I just removed the dupes, thanks. Fedia was being glitchy.
Plus, you explained your answer well.
- Context matters. That question is rarely asked by anyone that isn’t a douchebag trying to hit on a woman.
- From my understanding, even when NOT in the context of douchebaggery, it’s a condescending thing to say to a woman. So much of society wants to put women in a box where they’re expected to look pretty, smile more, talk less, and listen to big strong men with their big manly brains. Being told to “smile more” is pretty triggering for some (but maybe not all) women who are tired of dealing with that shit.
Disclaimer: am man, as my username implies.
In general it's asking another person to change their appearance to suit your preferences rather than just respecting whatever mood they're in or how their naturally resting face just looks, it's a dick move. Forcing a smile also sucks. It takes some amount of conscious effort to maintain a forced smile and smiling does engage quite a few muscles in the face, about 43 different muscles to make a smile.
Combine all of that with the history of women very much not having any kind of power in our society, and it takes on a more sinister tone when directed at women, hinting at the idea of someone's only valuable because they have a pretty face and it should be pretty all the time.
Men are not asked that, men were mostly not in customer service jobs that needed to look nice. Men were not attacked for leading men along by smiling at them, after they were told to do so.
I've never been the sort of person to ask or insist anyone to display a particular expression. But...
At times I've encountered friends, both male and female, that were struggling in life and crying.
Sometimes I would smile at them and say "Hey, you're leaking again"
I almost always got them to lift their spirits and smile, with a bit of a lighthearted chuckle even.
Though not a moment I'd take a photo of, out of respect, it still reminds me how easy it can be to get a friend to smile.
Do you have an example?
The only time I can imagine someone asking someone else to smile is when taking photos.
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It is generally uncouth to tell anyone how to feel regardless of gender. Compel the person to feel through your own words and actions. If you fail to achieve the desired results, change your tact.
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I think you should ask men to smile more (like at the grocery store or gym) and see how it goes. 😉
I taught my dog to smile. "Smile pretty"and she would bare her fangs for a treat