this post was submitted on 24 Oct 2024
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chapotraphouse

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[–] GenderIsOpSec@hexbear.net 85 points 2 weeks ago (4 children)

Do NOT face allah alone while astral projecting

Today while astral projecting I summoned allah to try and weaken him so our hexing spells would work better.

He is so fucking powerful. I'm not at a power level to do this alone. I barely escaped with my life and I'm spiritually injured to a great amount, but I think I'll make it.

I can't imagine what he would do to a new, unsuspecting witch. I'm scared that I will have to face him again soon if I ever want to continue astral projecting. I'm currently burning healing incense and drawing spiritual energy from my crystals to try and heal as quickly as possible.

Please be safe everyone. Allah is much stronger than I first imagined and we will have to do this together if we want to slay a god.

[–] ClathrateG@hexbear.net 47 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (1 children)

One of the funniest comments from the last few years

[–] GenderIsOpSec@hexbear.net 33 points 2 weeks ago

looking at the literal ~according~ ~to~ ~a~ ~lot~ ~of~ ~people~ creator of the universe:

"yea, i could take him, im built different."

[–] buckykat@hexbear.net 29 points 2 weeks ago

You have to have a group of friends if you want to kill God that's like jrpg 101

[–] Luna@hexbear.net 7 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

new tagline?

[–] Omashkooz@hexbear.net 64 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

My inner hustler wants to sell expensive spells to these people

[–] elpaso@hexbear.net 30 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

Fill their spell slots with fireball while they aren't looking.

[–] BobDole@hexbear.net 11 points 2 weeks ago

Ah fuck, we had to be in the universe with vancian magic. Fuck it, I’ll be a barbarian

[–] 2Password2Remember@hexbear.net 61 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

this is painfully cringe. somebody out there really thinks in these terms unironically. what a waste of a mind

Death to America

[–] axont@hexbear.net 50 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

Trump's always equipped with a full estus flask

[–] QuillcrestFalconer@hexbear.net 28 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Trump has miquela's broken rune so he can resist charms

[–] NPa@hexbear.net 16 points 2 weeks ago

a-little-trolling "Folks, I'm telling ya'- Marika, or as I like to call her, "Sleepy Marika", she messed the Elden Ring up real good. No, it's true, she really messed it up. The Lands Between are disgusting now, broken into little pieces, borders left unguarded. Disrespectful. Miquella has a solution, a yuge solution. Making Altus Great Again, I call it... Look he's here now on stage, look how eternally youthful and honest he looks folks! 1000 years of love, people, we're getting rid of the ANTIFA Golden Order losers!"

[–] WittyProfileName2@hexbear.net 2 points 2 weeks ago

He always makes the run to the moss seller in Undead Burg sewers first thing outta the asylum.

[–] milk_thief@hexbear.net 46 points 2 weeks ago

I am punching the mirror as hard as I can, but this ugly bastard will not leave my house, in fact, there seem to be more of him now

[–] Palacegalleryratio@hexbear.net 41 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (2 children)

Materialism vs Idealism: idealism takes the L, again.

[–] AFC1886VCC@reddthat.com 24 points 2 weeks ago

The glass of water I just drank is more likely to affect the outcome of the election than this shit. I hate idealism

[–] RNAi@hexbear.net 8 points 2 weeks ago

I'd call this delusionism

[–] Mardoniush@hexbear.net 31 points 2 weeks ago

Man what can be happening to do this surely Kamala hasn't sponsored any kind of genocide or anything that could bring down the threefold law.

[–] aaaaaaadjsf@hexbear.net 29 points 2 weeks ago

This is just sad

[–] Riffraffintheroom@hexbear.net 26 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

Harry Potter and World of Warcraft have permanently sullied the minds of a very specific sort or person.

[–] Pentacat@hexbear.net 23 points 2 weeks ago

Uplifting genocide spell, activate!

[–] Flaps@hexbear.net 22 points 2 weeks ago

Are they for real?

[–] shath@hexbear.net 21 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

they should come work at the National Institute for the Technology of Witchcraft and Thaumaturgy

[–] shath@hexbear.net 15 points 2 weeks ago

we can do lysenkoism together

[–] SpiderFarmer@hexbear.net 19 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

I know a witch who is probably doing this. She's also getting signatures for a local Zionist politician.

[–] sweatersocialist@hexbear.net 8 points 2 weeks ago

getting signatures for a local Zionist politician.

sounds like a witch

[–] HumanBehaviorByBjork@hexbear.net 19 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

Blue Wave
{X}{U}{U}
Sorcery

Tap all lands you control.

Prevent the next X damage that would be dealt to target opponent this turn.


"VOTE blue no matter who!" -Lim-Dûl

[–] FunkYankkkees@hexbear.net 19 points 2 weeks ago (4 children)

Is that subreddit real or a joke?

[–] Pentacat@hexbear.net 12 points 2 weeks ago

It’s a joke; they reinforce patriarchy.

[–] Palacegalleryratio@hexbear.net 9 points 2 weeks ago

Dunno, but I just went on there out of curiosity, and there is a post from a person wearing a Kufiya and a free Palestine shirt proudly voting for Kamala, so I’ve got to conclude it’s a joke.

[–] Sickos@hexbear.net 8 points 2 weeks ago

It is not a bit.

[–] DamarcusArt@lemmygrad.ml 3 points 2 weeks ago

Like every single "ironic" subreddit, if it started out as a joke or just a place to chill it eventually got overrun with people who take it completely seriously.

[–] CommunistCuddlefish@hexbear.net 19 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Main character syndrome and its effects have been a disaster for whatever the fuck this kind of person is called

[–] sweatersocialist@hexbear.net 12 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

um they're a witch and you better watch what you say before they cast a spell on your magiphobic ass

[–] CommunistCuddlefish@hexbear.net 8 points 2 weeks ago

I don't fear their "magic" so I'm probably not magicphobic

[–] DamarcusArt@lemmygrad.ml 6 points 2 weeks ago

I'm not scared, what's she gonna do? Take away my ability to dance? Jokes on her, a warlock already did that to me back in '06!

[–] electric_nan@lemmy.ml 18 points 2 weeks ago

Imagine doing witchcraft to these ends.

[–] LeZero@hexbear.net 12 points 2 weeks ago

Cool roleplay

[–] Barabas@hexbear.net 12 points 2 weeks ago

Baffled that I hadn't seen anyone write tRump before.

[–] vegeta1@hexbear.net 7 points 2 weeks ago

You watch agatha all along and then you go off all main character wizardry and shit

[–] DamarcusArt@lemmygrad.ml 7 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

A freezer spell? Cone of cold is decent I guess, but it lacks the range of a good old fashioned fireball.

[–] WittyProfileName2@hexbear.net 4 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Ice storm does everything fireball can but also makes the impact site difficult terrain.

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I remember when that subreddit was first started, and it was full of communists and anarchists, who were interested in spooky occult shit.

It eventually got fucking swamped by liberals with the most asinine takes. So that's cool...