this post was submitted on 30 May 2024
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Today I stumbled across a weird corner of Twitter, where a ton of ostensibly conservative Christian women and men were trying to debate incels and RedPill bros using facts and logic, talking about how they shouldn't shame single mothers or promote having extramarital affairs as "high value" men, and how a TikTok trad wife was a larp of a real adoring wife--who may just have a career and have been intimate with someone else before them.

The women were also trying to redefine an "alpha" as a man who could control his sexual urges and stay faithful and kind, and were criticizing guys worshipping that kicker guy for his commencement speech, saying that if they wanted a homemaker wife they needed to be bringing in his kind of salary. Hell, all the worst fears of misogynist chuds, like how a woman won't date you unless you made 6 figures or had a good body, were things these conservative women were unapologetically saying they expected their husband to have, whereas most secular and liberal women I know would never criticize their partner on those grounds.

And then there were the "nice" Christian men who were showing themselves caring for their wives and trying to insist to incels that this was not "beta simping," along with women criticizing pastors who said DV was not grounds for divorce. All the while incel chuds, for as much as we know they hate feminists, were whining that conservative women were actually the "most disobedient" and likely trying to hide their past promiscuity behind their newfound conservativism. Hell they were even arguing to Mike Cernovich of all people that all women who partied in college were irredeemable.

Not to say these anti-redpill women were totally woke or whatever, they were usually transphobic, pro-Israel, anti-abortion, and claiming incel/redpill stuff was "just as bad as feminism," but my takeaways are:

  1. This redpill/incel/trad shit is tearing the conservative Christian community apart and giving their men brainworms too, the educated and family oriented women of the community are actually unhappy with this trend and the potential partners it's yielding, and unhappy with the female incel-pandering grifters facilitating their marginalization. That is not to mention the precipitous decline of conservative male church attendance.

  2. The ideal man as described by a lot of conservative women is actually the "beta soy lib" archetype who isn't dogmatic about gender roles and is unafraid to show kindness, provided he knows how to shoot a gun/do yardwork. A left/lib female-attracted person who made videos unapologetically espousing their belief in respect and equality in partnerships, in their own terms, might draw as many conservative women fans as they do trad/incel men enemies. A lot of the talking points we on the left find trite and self-evident would be eye opening in some places if they were just articulated again.

  3. These anti-misogyny conservative women are fighting a losing battle and they don't admit it to themselves yet, because they keep quoting scripture to justify their entitlement to male fidelity and gentleness, while the scripture was still designed by men to let married men get away with everything from DV to child SA.

  4. These conservative Christian women go at this new wave of misogyny harder than the left does, because the left oftentimes subconsciously steer away from these online spaces for fear of being ratioed and triggered and these women don't have that fear because they are still kind of, psychologically speaking, fighting with their ingroup. It's similar to how the current libertarian presidential candidate was the only guy who appeared on right wing podcasts to unapologetically defend drag queen story hour and trans-friendly bathrooms.

Thoughts? (Also, feel free to repost this anywhere if you like.)

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[–] SerLava@hexbear.net 65 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago) (1 children)

Hell, all the worst fears of misogynist chuds, like how a woman won't date you unless you made 6 figures or had a good body, were things these conservative women were unapologetically saying they expected their husband to have

Fascist women are like the unsung heroes of toxic masculinity, they'll just be like yeah of course you have to beat our nonverbal toddler for disrespecting you, or did I marry a fucking pussy

The men spend the entire day at the patriarchy factory and their wives get half that much work done with one remark

[–] Frank@hexbear.net 45 points 5 months ago (2 children)

Yeah, bell hooks and a lot of other theorists talk about this. Women's role in enforcing Patriarchy is teaching it to their kids and enforcing social discipline on men. If a man isn't being sufficiently masculine/patriarchical/an asshole it's often the women in his life who are the first to step in and correct his behavior. A lot of what makes it so durable is it's reinforced

[–] ZWQbpkzl@hexbear.net 26 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Once met a guy who wouldn't eat fruits or vegetables unless it bolognese sauce. He was raised by a single mom with only borthers and she didn't want to "raise a pack of queers".

[–] Frank@hexbear.net 10 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Fellahs is it gay if you don't have scurvy?

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[–] BeamBrain@hexbear.net 12 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Any specific reading recommendations? I'm curious as to why women would do this or what they get out of it.

[–] jack@hexbear.net 13 points 5 months ago (1 children)
[–] BeamBrain@hexbear.net 10 points 5 months ago (1 children)
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[–] the_itsb@hexbear.net 52 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago) (1 children)

This is very interesting though not surprising to me. I grew up in evangelical church ("full gospel," though idk if anyone here would recognize that flavor), and this is the sort of stuff I would hear adults discussing regularly.

I remember my much older sister having a passionate debate with some of the other church ladies about whether it was okay for women to masturbate - is it Onanism if you have no seed to sinfully cast on the ground?? 😂 my sister was a former stripper and was not about to let Jesus take her vibrator.

Unfortunately, I don't think there's much hope that these disagreements will effectively split this community. These have been subjects of debate for decades, and the risk of losing that community usually outweighs anyone's discomfort with the roles they're forced into.

PS - I love your username 🤩

[–] TheGyattsMustBeCrazy@hexbear.net 28 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago) (1 children)

Thanks!

I would say that the only difference now is that if a critical amount of men who profess to share evangelical values end up being cultural tourists who just want to mete out abuse and neglect to women, the women who actually want to raise children in a productive household may evolve their views or expand their horizons when looking for a partner.

I remember going on a date with a conservative nurse who was talking about how her ex could not finish during sex because he watched too much porn, and she straight up said "I'm not a feminist or anything, but women to some men are like, basically objects!" I wonder of this abrupt outsized influx of low value uncompromising men might actually steer Christian/conservative women to look elsewhere for companionship, provided the non-trad and more liberal men boldly and sincerely present themselves and their beliefs.

A lot of the simple minded view on dating is that women want men who are coercive or restrictive, when I think most women just want a man with mettle and a backbone about their worldview, and it's just that the archetype of current self-identified liberal male feminists are men who seem pandering/performative about their libertine values, and can't stop tweeting about how slayqueen Kamala Harris looks.

[–] Frank@hexbear.net 32 points 5 months ago (1 children)

a critical amount of men who profess to share evangelical values end up being cultural tourists who just want to mete out abuse and neglect to women

This is all evangelism has ever been. If anything has changed it's the women, not the men.

[–] TheGyattsMustBeCrazy@hexbear.net 23 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago) (3 children)

Yeah I don't think the women who have been able to get degrees and PMC careers while remaining conservative Christians, thanks to feminism, are able to fully reconcile the parts of their beliefs that give them meaning with the fact that its overarching philosophy and its outcomes can only serve to protect corrupt men while shaming/blaming their victims. But a lot of these women are also too educated and too aware of their capabilities to ever want to cede the rights they've gained, which is why they call the tradwives of TikTok grifters. They even call the sexist pastors "theobros."

[–] TreadOnMe@hexbear.net 20 points 5 months ago

It's the dialectical problem of having your cake and wanting to eat it too. Being conservative, they want the security of both the career, and the security of conservative values for being a stay-at-home care-giver, without understanding that liberalism is built to dissolve ALL values and replace them with those of the market.

Those that are saying that 'you must be a high status male to be with me' have already solved the contradiction in one way, and it's why incel ideology is so potent, because it IS a common thing that is said among cis-women, even if their actual partner preference and choice doesn't reflect that.

[–] Omegamint@hexbear.net 12 points 5 months ago (1 children)
[–] TheGyattsMustBeCrazy@hexbear.net 11 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago)

It's kind of like my girlfriend's dad too, who keeps talking about how women are emasculating men, refers to gays with the f-slur, but will also shout while watching that Tim Allen show that it is too sexist.

[–] MNByChoice@midwest.social 9 points 5 months ago

Evangelicals have been against women's education my whole life (likely forever) for this and other reasons.

[–] GrouchyGrouse@hexbear.net 43 points 5 months ago (1 children)

I might reply in greater detail tomorrow but for now all I would say to these people who are dismayed at their newfound "allies" is: no shit. There's a reason we found them loathsome shitty people and it's not just because we disagree with their politics and their irony tinged fascism. Their ideas are toxic corrosive bullshit. They are complete nihilistic misanthropes. It comes across as misogyny but it's also a full blown hatred of themselves and everything around them. Born straight out of the most miserable pit of hate the internet spawned: 4chan. A place so awful that it's hallmark was dragging each other down so they could find a twisted glee in sharing misery and being awful. There is nothing constructive to be found in that place. It spawned school shooters, trafficked in CSAM, launched harassment campaigns, stalking. There was nothing to be gained by allowing yourself to be caught agreeing with them on any subject. There is no "broken clock is right twice a day" with them. The clock is never right.

Reap the whirlwind.

[–] TheGyattsMustBeCrazy@hexbear.net 30 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago) (2 children)

I agree, it was a devil's bargain to bring these people into their fold through astroturfing shit like Fresh N Fit. I also feel like more left leaning equality minded men should be unapologetically espousing their beliefs in their ideal equitable relationship and support for women and not be cowed by fears of being called a simp, which I believe they are because even the best of us have internalized toxic masculinity.

[–] GrouchyGrouse@hexbear.net 19 points 5 months ago

"Devil's bargain" is a good way of putting it. I do hope it causes some of these non-incel types to wake up. They're challenging the Nietschean abyss to a staring contest.

[–] Frank@hexbear.net 16 points 5 months ago (1 children)

not be cowed by fears of being called a simp

Is this a thing? Do younger guys who aren't incels actually worry about this?

[–] TheGyattsMustBeCrazy@hexbear.net 13 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago) (2 children)

I don't think they consciously do, but subconsciously I think a lot of lib/left men are afraid of wading into that corner of the internet and getting spammed/harassed/written off. Part of that is that such men typically recite talking points and arguments provided by women and sometimes detached from the theory-of-mind of how to frame arguments to be received by misanthropic chud men, so they get written off/steamrolled faster.

I think back to how Stone Cold Steve Austin's very profanity-filled redneck-sounding tirade supporting gay marriage probably moved the needle for its acceptance more than a ton of "Love is Love" stuff at the time that just doesn't hit with some people, even repels them. Most of the men I've seen who boldly push back against misogynistic myths about women "hitting the wall," body counts, men dating down etc. in the lions dens of inceldom/redpill shit are actually evopsych STEMlords like Slate Star Codex. Idk if leftists think we're over that shit or what but we should start doing it again undeterred.

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[–] Sodium_nitride@lemmygrad.ml 42 points 5 months ago

Seems tough being a Conservative Christian woman. Although to be fair, the incel movement is complete cancer that any "real traditionalist" would find abhorrent. It is not surprising to me at all. I grew up in a "traditional" global south family, the kind where half of my family members refuse to eat onion or garlic and consider it sinful and where 3-4 generations often live together. And if I acted or spoke even 10% as "degenerately" as these incel/manosphere types do, I would have been kicked out immediately.

Incels and red pillers basically come into the movement because they want nothing more than pure material benefit (sex + free labour from women). Conservative culture is often based on the same goal of ultimately getting material benefits on women's expense, but it is always dressed up in traditions and rituals and moralising. The traditional family members I was talking about aren't really the "good guys" when it came to women, but I suppose that at least the drive for respectability made them act much better than incels ever will.

Unfortunately, I don't think conservatives can ever fight against the incel movement in a way that is actually effective. The incels genuinely believe in all of the Conservative values, they just so happen to not give a shit about the optics of it.

As for Conservative women, they are in the tough spot that as women, they don't actually want the same things as the incels do (at least not when applied to them specifically). However the incel ideology is nothing more than the Conservative ideology but applied with less shame. So you end up with this situation.

[–] Assian_Candor@hexbear.net 40 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago) (2 children)

My takeaway from this thread is that it's our duty as leftists to fuck church ladies

All joking aside, and I'm 100% serious, incel/redpill shit is corrosive to society and anyone espousing it should have to spend 3 years in a reeducation camp

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[–] PKMKII@hexbear.net 39 points 5 months ago (2 children)

There’s always been a paradox within cultural conservatism where there’s a bloc of hedonists who think the movement will stop the nanny state and pushy feminists from getting in the way of them having a good time, and another bloc that very much so likes the state telling people what to do with their lives. Incels have turned out to be the former larping as the latter. Evangelism as a Pepe/bearded chad meme.

That being said, I think there’s a similarity in both the incels and the evangelical women in that they’re both chasing contradictory ideals in a partner. Incels want women who are meek and submissive, virginal but also will fuck like a porn star on their wedding night, genuflecting to their patriarchal leadership but also not expecting that leadership to do any leading. They idolize being traditional breadwinners but also really hate the idea of women expecting them to be breadwinners; don’t have a job but also if you think I’m going to have a job and pay for things then you’re a gold digger.

Evangelical women, likewise, think they can have this relationship dynamic where men are given the most petty tyrant role possible but then don’t ever act as tyrants. The men must be in control of everything but also those women don’t want to feel like they’re being controlled by the men.

The fundamental problem with both of them is they aren’t seeking relationships with another adult, they want a parental relationship in the dressings of an adult relationship. Incels want a mommy they can fuck, who will be there to wipe their ass and ensure they always have choccy milk and chicken tendies while they play CoD but don’t expect anything in return. Also explains their virgin/w***e complex taken to a toxic extreme, they think they can have both at the same time. Evangelical women want a daddy, a benevolent father figure who ensures all the messy, scary details of adulthood are taken care of, but expect that power to never corrupt.

[–] HamManBad@hexbear.net 10 points 5 months ago

I'm saving this, great insight

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[–] Frank@hexbear.net 34 points 5 months ago (5 children)

I am conerned that if we introduce them to Feminist concepts we may end up with nazi feminists. : |

[–] CoolerOpposide@hexbear.net 45 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago)

This is white liberals

[–] CommunistBear@hexbear.net 29 points 5 months ago

That is almost sure to happen. Just as fascists parrot left points on labor when fundamentally misunderstanding/not really giving a shit, so too will these women with feminism

[–] Runcible@hexbear.net 19 points 5 months ago

yet another win for incrementalism

[–] TheGyattsMustBeCrazy@hexbear.net 17 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago)

Oddly I saw a lot of women who were retweeting LibsOfTikTok/JK Rowling/racist shit about "dysgenics" on one hand while fiercely bashing conservative influencers for chiding women for not doing housework/"hitting the wall" on the other. I think a lot of the transphobic/anti-Muslim influencers also have cross-partisan appeal with some of the stuff they write, and fear monger on those issues to drive wedges between people who are actually pretty aligned on gender/economic politics. Furthermore some of the most anti-black men/women stuff was being retweeted by conservative black people of the opposite gender.

[–] ElGosso@hexbear.net 28 points 5 months ago

This tension has been in the conservative movement ever since Breitbart fused the two together.

[–] WhatDoYouMeanPodcast@hexbear.net 28 points 5 months ago

I can't imagine trying to, as a woman, get an incel to relent on their bread and butter. It's like if you came to hexbear trying to espouse how harmful Mao is to good landlords. We hate landlords as a treat. We see their pain, morbidity, and mortality and rejoice. So when a woman says something like they've "matured out of their old ways." it's like if you or I heard someone on hexbear say something like "I've become more lenient towards my tenants." If you're huffing 4chan, a big part of that is target practice on talking points like "alpha fucks, beta buxx," infidelity, and hypergamy. They have a treasure trove of instances where some woman says that their man relented on a masculine role and they got the ick or how they got into a dead bedroom situation. You can try to tip toe around it all you want, but you're fighting for the losing side if you try to influence them to see it your way instead of their most core, foundational beliefs. In essence, access to the same Internet they use themselves already raises a flag because their potential partner might have had access to dating apps, ideas about independence, and psychological health resources. When the ideal is a farm raised, 18 year old (lmao), blonde, virgin whose homeschooling never mentioned what a city looks like, you're never going to win with a gotcha like "have you tried being nice and direct?" or "who cares 4chan thinks?" Those were the final off ramps and if they've missed those then all you can do is shrug your shoulders. You're better off saying "well, congratulations to Chad on being one of God's chosen few" as this is the final conclusion of all Calvinist belief systems.

[–] came_apart_at_Kmart@hexbear.net 24 points 5 months ago (3 children)

that kicker guy for his commencement speech

i had to look this up. i cannot wrap my mind around a liberal arts school inviting a late 20s guy, who is lavished with lotto money for sometimes being called in to ritualistically kick a ball on TV, to talk to young people about to start their professional lives / careers. absolutely the least qualified motherfucker on the planet from the jump. the fact that he's a Tier 1 douche bro dipshit should have been spotted from a mile away.

anyway, more to the general thesis of the post (re: women in conservative affinity groups confronting overt misogyny jerks)... it seems like the problem has been around for a while, but the tensions are heightened, which could be an artifact of seeing these discussions happen online, where people just totally pop off unlike IRL. i say this because i was raised in an evangelical community until i separated from it in the late 90s. it's taken decades to unpack a lot of the values and false self-conceptions i was indoctrinated with, but i remember in the 2000s when i was a single guy, trying to figure myself out and not wanting to be on my own. i wasn't dead set against christianity and values of sacrifice and tolerance etc., so i tried considering "church" as simply a heterodox community that maybe i could exist in and find someone who shared these values.

my experiences and my friends' reports of casually showing up to a "young" church / event to scope it out was that it was a meat market / matchmaking ritual for young singles with a high ratio of women to men. like a well lit daytime night club, in that there was a cohort that was there to find a man and all they cared about was that the guy wasn't an asshole or a drunk. the vibe was one where it felt like all the messaging being dumped on these young, single women was that the only place to find "a good man" was their church. and even back then, the odds were not good for young single women.

i can definitely imagine in the last 20 years with overall attendance down and the contradiction of trying to exist as a human in an evangelical community adding more tension that conservative communities would become even more conflicted and contested as spaces for negotiating matches/pair-bonding.

[–] TheGyattsMustBeCrazy@hexbear.net 18 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago) (1 children)

I do remember in high school a lot of secular girls went to those youth group meetings to meet guys who wouldn't try to sleep with them. Wonder if participation from those girls has shot down too in light of evangelicals' embrace of Trump, and if that has heightened the bitterness.

[–] Tabitha@hexbear.net 13 points 5 months ago (1 children)

I'd go sometimes, strong preference for the youth events and not the weekly stuff, because I'd have a friend or two who regular'd at whatever various churches, and honestly, it wasn't so bad as a hangout, aside from the mostly light and not-too-aggressive begvitations to the weeklies. There were a lot of times my mom didn't want to pay and drive me to the skating rink, and I wasn't old enough to go to bars, and didn't know the rest of the city that well, as my parents and I were relatively recent residents. A small number of guys had to be fought off, but it was still a safe environment.

The politics there was mostly anti-abortion and nothing else too divisive. I can't imagine what those places are like now, we everybody ramming "let's go brandon" and "DAE hate poor people???" into literally every convo

[–] TheGyattsMustBeCrazy@hexbear.net 10 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago) (1 children)

I think some kids of today got way into those "Feminists Owned" videos which turned them into completely sour people whose senses of self are replenished only by othering and degrading outgroups.

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[–] Omegamint@hexbear.net 13 points 5 months ago

If dealing with someone else's religious brain worms weren't just an utter nonstarter for me...

The bar is super low for these women. I had a friend with severe addiction issues whose life was v much a mess and he found a girl at church who was willing to go all in like nothing (he definitely had some other bad brain worms but was at least a pretty decent person beyond where his addiction would take him). He ended up overdosing and leaving behind a kid. Glad she's got a good career but Jesus, gonna be rough explaining that to the kid.

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[–] HobbitFoot@thelemmy.club 18 points 5 months ago (1 children)

American religion has always been a shit show. You had various colonies established with wildly different beliefs and state churches. Part of the reason for freedom of religion on the federal level was as a political compromise to make sure a state's church wasn't developed above others; at the time it was relatively common for inter-Christian wars to take place. Over time after the country was founded, this allowed for free market Jesus to form.

If you wanted to make a weird religion that was vaguely Christian, you went to the USA. This is why there are so many types of Christian church that were founded in the USA compared to other countries. This meant that pastors could sell whatever bullshit they wanted to in order to get coverts. You didn't need to follow a national religious canon because there was no nationally imposed canon. Church leaders could make up what they wanted.

So now, as there is a push to lead to actual American Christian Fascism, no one really knows what that means. You've got churches and other organizations used to making their own sales pitches now being forced to agree on a common canon and set of laws and they aren't used to this outside of agreeing that abortion is bad and civil rights need to not progress. Incels probably stick out the most, but these debates are going to become a lot more pronounced even among different conservative Christian groups and within those groups as the sales pitches to the different groups push wildly different goals.

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[–] CoolerOpposide@hexbear.net 18 points 5 months ago (2 children)

Very ironic when their lord and savior was (allegedly) a volcel

[–] RyanGosling@hexbear.net 11 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago)

It’s so bizarre that people were about to murder Scorsese for depicting Jesus as a divine human, with all the traits of humans such as sexual temptation. Like bro one of the most important stories from the Bible is about Jesus being tempted by the devil in the desert. Why wouldn’t he be tempted by some boobies? Especially since his closest follower was a female prostitute lol

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[–] RyanGosling@hexbear.net 17 points 5 months ago

were whining that conservative women were actually the "most disobedient" and likely trying to hide their past promiscuity behind their newfound conservativism.

Patriots, is it degnerate to be conservative?

[–] flan@hexbear.net 15 points 5 months ago (6 children)

its been a little while since we had an incel terrorist attack. there were a few of them in the mid 2010s but havent heard of any recently. Did something change there?

[–] RyanGosling@hexbear.net 13 points 5 months ago (1 children)

The pandemic caused things to shut down so people were spared for a couple years. Not sure how it explains the rest since it’s been reported that people’s loneliness and mental illnesses have exacerbated since 2020.

[–] HamManBad@hexbear.net 11 points 5 months ago

Everyone's too depressed to put in the effort of doing terrorism

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[–] SoyViking@hexbear.net 12 points 5 months ago (2 children)

It seems like these conservative Christian women were more Christian than conservative. They want to go to church and believe in God and then all the reactionary crap is just something that goes with it.

On the other hand there could be conservative Christian men who are more conservative than Christian. What they really want is to be fascist pricks and the church stuff is just something they do because it is seen as part of the package.

Maybe some of these conservative Christian women wouldn't be conservative at all if there was a healthier form of Christianity available to them?

If reactionary Christians can cherry pick all the nasty parts of the Bible and use them to justify their fascist ideology while ignoring all the good stuff, why is there so few based Christians who ignore the nasty parts and stick to all the good stuff about healing the sick and casting out the moneylenders and that kind of stuff? (I wouldn't be surprised if nasty Christianity is so prevalent because of shady oligarchs promoting it as an alternative to proletarian politics)

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