Jimmy Kimmel rarely holds back during his annual monologue to Disney advertisers, but this year he was particularly brutal about the state of the business.
The ABC late-night host laid into CEO Bob Iger, the Golden Bachelor, streaming bundles, Star Wars, Elon Musk and many other topics.
“We are bundling and while from the outside this may look like an act of desperation, from the inside, it also looks like that. We didn’t want to bundle, we had to — like when you’re freezing to death and it’s so cold you have to get into a sleeping bag with your uncle so you don’t die. That’s us. You’ve seen our churn rates. This is not just churn. It’s Chernobyl. Now finally our users can turn on their TV and get all the channels in one package for one price all supported by ads. We call it ‘basic cable’ and it’s gonna blow your mind. We’re consolidating. We are building one enormous ad-supported streaming pile of shit.”
“Unlike our competitors, we don’t think of you as faceless ATMs. We pretend to give a fuck about once a year and throw shrimp at you like you’re some kind of sea manatees at SeaWorld. We think of you as freedom fighters. We think of you as American heroes fighting to keep television free for the people. Remember when Elon Musk was being interviewed, he told advertisers to go fuck themselves? We would never do that. But we do want to remind you that he did.”
“We are one unified Disney and we’re joining forces with Warner Brothers Discovery. I have to say, I haven’t seen this much corporate camaraderie in this business since last summer when they all worked together to starve the writers.”
