Asklemmy

Many. Technically most I still "know" through the advent of facebook, but I'm basing things off the period I interacted with them directly.

• Numerous people I met in passing while I lived on campus during my failed attempt at college had long term effects on me. Watching other nerd's socialization attempts fall flat helped me to learn when to keep my mouth shut when people didn't get a reference. Being open to conversation with anyone about anything they were passionate about opened my eyes and mind to a whole ton of interests that I would have never thought about. On top of that, socializing with others is a skill that is improved with experience like any other skill. Being a freshman just figuring shit out in a nerdy degree gave plenty of excuse for me to be shit at socializing while I kept improving over time.

• An upperclassman in an elective course I took freshman year chuckling at the same jokes the professor was making that the rest of the class didn't get, which evolved into whispered chitchat, then study sessions helped open my eyes that there were other people with similar senses of humor to me persuing wildly different paths.

• A girl who had a very obvious unrequited crush on my roommate helped pull me out of my shell, really demonstrated how wonderful it is to feel comfortable with who you are as a person, and her attitude of getting as much enjoyment out of any given situation (even the bad ones where her best friend started dating the guy she'd been pining after) really stuck with me. Also helped break me of the illusion that unrequited feelings are in any way worth it.

• Many classmates and others that just suddenly had confidence in my knowledge and abilities after short talks with them helped build my confidence in my own knowledge, and helped ephasize that things that I saw as throwawy (because it came easy to me) shouldn't be disregarded.

• Some old high school classmates that I've ran into at college and now later in adulthood helped show me that despite my internal turmoil, I've been able to present well. It really hammered home to me that I'm my own worst critic, and that I'm the only one keeping such close tabs on my own blunders.

• Just honestly and openly asking people how they were and truly being interested in listening to them opened my eyes to so many things, especially the sheer depth of human experience there is that each and every single person goes through.

The biggest impact for the limited time though has to be an old lesbian couple that let me stay in their spare room for a few months over a decade ago.

At that time I had dropped out of university. I was unemployed. I was in a deep depression, and my issues with my relationship with my parents were boiling over. I needed an out.

My long term gf had went long distance a year or two before, and said she had these friends that could let me crash with them while I got my shit sorted.

At the risk of doxxing myself with too much info, this couple was forced into early retirement due to a car accident leaving both of them unable to stand for extended periods, so they were partially wheelchair bound. One was a former autism spectrum diagnostician/social worker, the other was a practical effects tech for theater, movies, and other things.

One of the biggest lessons I learned from them was to work within your own limitations. They regularly did physical therapy to improve their mobility, but they also designed and built their own tools so they could do what they needed to do around the house.

Rather than hurt themselves trying to stand for too long cooking, they would find ways to do more sitting down. That sort of thing.

It seems simple and obvious in retrospect, but I was raised by two fairly dysfunctional parents in denial of their own adult ADHD. I was used to watching them throw their bodies at the wall over and over again until it fell over when they could have just used a ladder to climb over. I could never count how many conversations I had with them that were the ADHD equivalent of them telling a depressed person to just be happier. Unfortunately, my parents often applied the same line of thinking to themselves, forcing themselves to fail at doing things the "normal" way that didn't work for them instead of adapating to their own shortcomings.

So meeting these women living full happy lives in cooperation with their own limitations and flaws was amazing to me.

Success wasn't just dogged application of will on the same path forward as everyone else, it was also choosing the best path for you.

It's something that has informed my entire life since and how I interact with the world.