this post was submitted on 18 May 2024
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chapotraphouse
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It's the same thing as trying to read a recipe and it starts with an essay about "I first tasted this dish while on vacation in Tuscany with my husband Bob and our dog Scoochie (luv you Scoochie! here's a picture of Scoochie sniffing an acorn.) We stayed at this lovely bed and breakfast and waking every morning to the sights and smells of the Italian countryside. Now, you can use any raisins but the preferred type are called Mariocastellani Pizzaluigi and are only grown in the Fettuccine Valley of the Rigatoni province. They taste like apples and peaches on a breezy afternoon when there's a hint of rain on the horizon while an old man named Alfredo Formaggio chain smokes and watches futbol (we call it soccer!) on a wood panel television set. In the afternoon Scoochie took a giant shit in my ass and I died of dogshitanosis. Bob joined the navy and had a bunch of gay sex. So for starters you'll need three cups of unenriched oat flour..."
I will defend the gastronomical essay followed by a recipe as a worthwhile literary genre that can be enjoyable to read. The essay can be seen as an aid to understand the vibes and cultural context of a dish that can not be conveyed simply by a list of ingredients and some instructions.
Most online recipes are not that though. The text before the actual recipe is just filler crap written by people who cannot write with the sole purpose of cramming in SEO keywords, affiliate links and banner ads.
If they put the essay after the ingredients and ratios I got no problem. If I have to scroll through shit to find out if it's 1/2 or 1/3 teaspoon cream of tartar while the the clock is ticking and I'm dealing with hot shit coming out of the oven I'm gonna get my feathers ruffled. So I guess I do agree with you, sometimes it can be pleasant to read that stuff. Dammit why do you gotta be all reasonable about this stuff.