Asklemmy

You remember back in high school or college, there was that group of friends that you always hung out with, you saw eye to eye with, you knew them, they knew you, you'd get a phone call at 2 in the morning, one of them is beside the road with a flat tire and you're who they called, so of course you go help? Like they don't ask because it's not a question, it's what you do, you'd do it for them, they'd do it for you?

First they stop texting you first but they'll reply when you text them. Then they stop replying. Then you stop reaching out. Then you delete their number. Then you get a text "Hey you still drive that truck?" By my mid-20's, there were none left.

Few mechanisms exist to meet new people beyond college, few people ever exchange contact details, of those that do, few answer the first time. I live in a town, lots of people live next door, across the street, down the block. None have introduced themselves.

Oh and "romances." So called. After the college sowing oats phase, in my actual adulthood, the one-night stands and short term flings were always 100% healthier than any attempt at long term romantic relationships. Communication...happened. "Here's what I expect, here's how long I want this to last, here are my deal breakers," etc. I will trade you one licked clitoris for one sucked penis. Deal, who goes first? Both simultaneously? No i prefer to be on my back. Okay, I'll do you then you do me. Great, let's go. That right there is 100% transactional, you could write it as a legal contract with consideration, terms and conditions. Anyone where you'd change your relationship status on Facebook for? No can't have that; that's beneath them. What ensues is 4 months of we go out on whatever dates I can come up with, ball is always in my court, she never knows what she wants, we have plenty of sex, but I almost always initiate, then about 2 months of vetos, shorter answers and "not tonight"s, then a week of "I hate that place" and "that's all you think about" and then it's done. She apparently wanted something from me, she was not willing to directly tell me what it was, preferring instead to see if she could get it by pretending to be my #1 groupie for a few months and then getting very resentful and angry when that didn't work. I'm not trying that again.

Do I personally view relationships as "transactional?" Yes, by derivation from first principles. Ask the question "Just what the fuck are relationships even for, anyway?" And the stock answer is "humans are highly social animals and they require interactions with other humans for their mental health" and, like, the very basic concept of a "relationship" is the mutual fulfilling of that need. "I will trade you one 'you heard someone's voice today say something not about work', in exchange for one 'I heard someone's voice today say something not about work'."

My first thought on writing that was "21st century wedding vows if ever I heard them." I was once broken up with for saying "I think I need to go to the dentist" so "to have and to hold in sickness and in health" is apparently out of the question.