this post was submitted on 12 May 2024
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The Monkey's Paw

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Want to make a wish? Just ask the Monkey’s Paw! No strings attached.*

Just create a post that starts with “I wish ___”. Other users will then grant you the wish, and probably not how you intended.

^(*)^ ^Strings^ ^definitely^ ^attached.^ ^Satisfaction^ ^not^ ^guaranteed.^ ^Wish^ ^will^ ^likely^ ^backfire.^

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[–] apotheotic@beehaw.org 9 points 4 months ago

The monkeys paw curls.

An invisible force prevents you from doing anything that would be even remotely detrimental to your health.

You are puppeteered through your every day, losing all agency in your life choices as your invisible guide takes you through a 24/7 balanced and healthy training and diet regimen. Your physical health skyrockets as your mental health nosedives.

You dread waking up but as soon as you've had precisely the right amount of sleep you are jolted awake with a prod, immediately sitting bolt upright to resume your routine, prisoner to your own gorgeous shell.

You begin to look forward to the bland meals, because at least they're a break from the puppeteering. Well, as long as you wilfully eat.