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When I was a younger man I used to feel very uncomfortable around gay people, particularly gay men. I didn't "hate" them per se, but being around them made my skin crawl. This was a direct result of the environment I grew up in, and the lack of experience I had with actually getting to know gay people personally. Eventually once I made my way out into the world I was forced to interact with actual gay men and learned that they are just normal people, and my discomfort was entirely in my head, it was a product of ignorance and prejudice. I am glad to say I am better for having moved beyond that. At that time those feelings were a lot more politically valid, but that doesn't make them any less homophobic. What you are validating is the same. Trans women using female bathrooms pose no actual risk to those cis women (any more than other cis women do in female restrooms). I would bet that very few of those cis women vocalizing those concerns have ever actually been aware of sharing a restroom with a trans woman. They just imagine some hairy boogyman dressed in a dress saying "I have the right to use this bathroom" but that's in their head. It's not a valid fear, it's a phobia. They need to be educated, not coddled and told those feelings are valid. If trans women were actually assaulting or peeping on cis women using the restroom that might be different, but the fact remains women (cis or trans) are almost certainly much more likely to be assaulted in the women's restroom by a cis man than by a trans woman. You can't say you are not trans-phobic and still validate those baseless fears.
At the end of the day, I just want somewhere to relieve myself and maybe wash my face. The fear that women may have with a man in their bathroom is likely not related to actual use of the bathroom, but fear of assault.
This attack on trans people in bathrooms is just smokescreen to mask the problem that some men are fucking creeps who need to be called out. I think it was Huckabee who said he would've loved to be able to go into the women's locker room when he was in school, and I was fucking disgusted by it.
Kudos for sharing this. Hopefully others can learn from it too.
first, you have your terms backwards. Trans men were assigned female at birth and transitioned to male. They want to be able to use the men's restroom. You are discussing trans women's right to use the women's bathroom.
What does the physical size of some trans women have to do with anything? There are a lot of gay men who are bigger and stronger than me, if a "bad actor" wanted to sexually assault me, the men's bathroom would be the perfect place for them to do it. Should we ban gay men from straight men's restrooms because of some men would have that fear? No, and the reason is because it's not a valid fear, it's in my head (or was), it's not likely. Does that mean no gay man has ever assaulted a straight man in a restroom? Of course not, but it just not a realistic fear. It's in their head. It's a phobia.
Cis women who are uncomfortable sharing a bathroom with trans women are uncomfortable not because they have seen big hair men in dresses eyeballing them in bathrooms, but because they are irrationally afraid of that. It's not a valid fear, because it doesn't happen. It's a phobia. Cis women are just as safe with a trans woman in the bathroom than they are with other cis women in a bathroom. That is an indisputable fact based on all actual evidence. Anything else is an irrational fear based on prejudice and ignorance and you are validating that. That means you are supporting transphobia right now, whether you want to admit it or not.