this post was submitted on 30 Apr 2024
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That is one thing I am trying to teach to my nephew and especially other adults. Best part is the teenager didn't need to be taught. I am always caught a little off guard when I bring something up and he immediately says the obvious. I don't have to fruitlessly explain why something is wrong. Silly quirks of Gen Z/alpha aside, I finally have some hope.
Everyone needs to call out shitty behavior. I get frustrated with people, even those I love, who don't want to "get involved" and just ignore it. I don't care if you think they are set in their ways, like that makes it ok. I don't care if they get upset. Fuck that. There are always exceptional situations where doing so will get you beaten, killed, disowned, or worse, but even then I wonder if it is worth the cost sometimes.
All I ask is for people to try and be better. It takes time and a lot of it is confronting yourself. First step is to stop doing X bad behavior. Next is to take ownership of every time you think that way and question why. Getting in the mindset of "I can't do X around "those" people or they get mad" is the wrong place to be in.
I do understand when people don't want to put themselves in harms way or risk their life, but that's a minority of the situations. Most of the time you can speak up and say it's fucked up.
And the impact of outreach is really understated, and quite safe. I still remember how my perception of "well how was she dressed?" was totally shattered -- some college students, men, were talking to us in high school, and they told us to think it through. No one goes "oh she's showing a lot of her skin, I think I'll rape her". It's so obvious in retrospect, but those guys really opened my eyes.
Exactly. I haven't been perfect on this. I didn't understand the #yesallwomen thing several years ago, and was hung up on "yeah but it's not like all guys are bad", until my sister really broke it down for me and explained her own experiences.
I've said terrible things out of insecurity and jealousy before, and my friends made it clear that yeah it was fucked for me to say, but it was important to recognize it and move past it. I didn't have to feel guilty forever, but the important part was understanding that what I did was not okay. And that really helped me learn from my mistakes without feeling burdened by them. It's a learning process, but you have to surround yourself with good people who'll call you out and guide you if you screw up.