First of all I'd like to apologize in advance for any insensitive statements I might make (I hope I don't though), I'm trying my best not to and I was just curious :)

I'm an 18-year-old cishet guy currently in uni and recently the thought popped into my head that I have no clue how the LGBTQ community would view me as someone who's not in the space or actively an ally. I would more accurately describe myself currently as a "don't care" person in the sense that to me it genuinely does not matter what someone identifies as or who someone is attracted to. I don't know how much this means, but I have multiple gay friends, my roommate is bi and I dated a person who went as a girl in day to day life because it was more convenient to her/them although she/they told me she/they partially identified as nonbinary (correct pronoun usage pls >.<) but I don't know if all this is the classic "but i have a black friend" argument that racists use.

To cut to the point: I'm curious as to how I would be seen by queer people in general, as I've witnessed both very inclusive and nice people (mostly here), but also some that said that LGBTQ places are not to be used by cishet people and I'm wondering what the best attitude to take would be.

Thanks!

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[–] millie@beehaw.org 9 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

Since you're here asking, and identifying yourself with the 'I don't care' crowd, there are a couple of things I've experienced with people that vocally take this stance that make me want to share some things.

To begin, and please take this in the spirit of open truth that it's given, not as an attack, 'not caring' is not a position worthy of a pat on the head. If you simply mind your own business, cool, but I can't tell you how many people feel the strange urge to share with me how much they don't care what I do. I'm polite with these people, but here's what I'd really like to say:

I don't need or want your permission. Telling me that you don't care what I do in a way that brags about how forward thinking you are for not actively detesting me tells me that you think it would be pretty reasonable to treat me like shit, but you're a magnanimous person, so you'll do me the favor of treating me with basic human dignity.

As much as I'm aware that many cis het folks would love me to tiptoe around their nosiness and intolerance, simply saying you don't expect me to do so isn't worthy of bragging.

Making what may well be the sole interaction that we have about how accepting you are for not actively having disdain for my breach of heteronormativity literally just reduces me to a political pawn and a prop for you to make yourself feel better with.

I do not care that you do not care. I am and will continue to be unimpressed.

What I do notice and appreciate is when you simply treat me decently. When you show solidarity instead of treating me like a member of an underclass. When you show up to vote and have my back when people try to make it illegal for me to exist.

But when you just get yours and don't worry about anyone else? Nah. That ain't it.