First of all I'd like to apologize in advance for any insensitive statements I might make (I hope I don't though), I'm trying my best not to and I was just curious :)

I'm an 18-year-old cishet guy currently in uni and recently the thought popped into my head that I have no clue how the LGBTQ community would view me as someone who's not in the space or actively an ally. I would more accurately describe myself currently as a "don't care" person in the sense that to me it genuinely does not matter what someone identifies as or who someone is attracted to. I don't know how much this means, but I have multiple gay friends, my roommate is bi and I dated a person who went as a girl in day to day life because it was more convenient to her/them although she/they told me she/they partially identified as nonbinary (correct pronoun usage pls >.<) but I don't know if all this is the classic "but i have a black friend" argument that racists use.

To cut to the point: I'm curious as to how I would be seen by queer people in general, as I've witnessed both very inclusive and nice people (mostly here), but also some that said that LGBTQ places are not to be used by cishet people and I'm wondering what the best attitude to take would be.

Thanks!

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[–] gu3miles@beehaw.org 2 points 1 year ago

In my experience it's a spectrum that can range from friendly, to hate, like any other diverse groups of people.

I've been in a lot of LGBTQ spaces, or in spaces adjacent to those spaces, including dating and roommates and friends etc. The majority of the time everyone is friendly and it's a great community. Just be respectful and treat everyone like a human being.

But, there are some spaces that as a cis-het person you are not welcome and and not wanted. For example, my roommate was in a Gay volleyball league, and though I would have liked to go I was never invited, and the general vibe was that cis guys are really not allowed. My sister is a lesbian, and especially in lesbian spaces cis-het there can be a real discomfort to even dislike for cis-het men. I've personally heard on two separate occasions lesbian women say that they "hate all cis-men" (I think they assumed I wasn't cis, I don't always present cis-het).

So don't assume that every space will be open to you, and that every person will want to be friends with you, and it's because you are cis-het. As an ally that can sting sometimes, being excluded because of your sexual orientation, but that's how it is. Just remember that most people are really great, and there's a lot of history and circumstances that led to the creation of those LGBTQ only spaces. Good luck!