this post was submitted on 23 Feb 2024
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Many people expect the perfect relationship/marriage to happen to them, like it’s destiny.
But the truth is that a good marriage is something you create! Much like freedom requires constant vigilance, marriage requires constant positive input. But then the second fun truth is that once you start doing this, it becomes a fulfilling part of your life and not some chore you have to remember to do.
Going through some mental health struggles, and figuring out what it really takes for my particular brain to have a positive fulfilling life, it definitely changed how I view and approach my marriage.
I think generally everything pays off more when you put more time or effort in it.
Yep, and equally important is putting the effort into the right things.
What are the right things? That’s the hard one. The metaphor I used is that we all have our own custom written manual for our specific bodies and brains, but we don’t get a copy of it. In my case it really felt like I was trying to reverse engineer my brain to figure out the things I really care about vs stressing over the things I’m supposed to care about.