Ask Lemmygrad

Since this discussion seems that is going to be endless, I will reply to the main points.

Hookups let us scratch each others' backs at a time when neither side was willing to go into a relationship, and it was good.

Yeah, it is an act devoid of any connection just to satisfy a desire aka getting your back scratched. Same way one could pay an escort to satisfy such desire. One of the parties gets a monetary need met and the other gets a sexual desire met. No matter how you slice it is individualistic and objectifying.

I just don't see why people should go into relationships if they don't want that.

I am not saying that people are forced to get into relationships. I was just doing an analysis of hookups and hookup culture. You keep making this wild leaps and assumptions of my arguments.

Imagine hookups were illegal, people would form dysfunctional pseudo-relationships, build on nothing but the desire for sex. In fact I have seen a few relationships like that, with one side longing for a deeper emotional connection while the other only seemed interested in sex. Why would that be better?

Firstly, on socialism hookups will disappear on their own since people will be able to live communally and there will be more public free spaces and activities for people to actually form connections. Also, the base and superstructure of a system based on dialectical materialism will destroy any ideology that atomizes humans.

Getting back to your point, the existence of toxic relationships is not a validation of hookup culture. Hookup culture exists as a result of capitalist alienation and atomization. The fact that deceitful people get into relationships for the wrong reason doesn’t diminish the fact that relationships are the building blocks of communities. And I don’t mean only romantic relationships, but friendships and camaraderie are relationships as well.

Just because someone has a desire to have sex doesn’t mean that someone needs to objectify someone just for sex. This is a very similar argument of the defenders of prostitution saying that it is okay because “men got needs and women are too picky”. There is such thing as self control.

Hook ups are the antithesis of relationships and community buildings.

I don't see why the people I have an emotional connection with need to be the same people that I have sex with, or vice versa.

The way that you see things is not something that I could change since you probably already have your cognitive biases, like everyone else does. However, it is good to note that the way that you think it is shaped by capitalism due to base and superstructure.

I also don't see what would give another person the authority to condemn interactions I had with others, that they themselves have not been involved in in any way, and that didn't hurt anyone.

Lol, it is funny the way that you make these huge leaps and assumptions of my arguments. I am not telling you the way that you have to live your life. I am giving my analysis on hookup culture and hookups based on some answers that I got here.

I don't appreciate someone telling me what my relationships need to look like

Again this is not what I am doing, and I find it funny how you just get defensive over someone’s analysis of hookups. I never mentioned you or your life in my analysis, I kept a very neutral language.

and your reasoning that hookups are bad because they don't lead to families honestly reminds me of conservatives condemming homosexual relationships because they won't result in families. Why would families be required for strong communities? If I have strong bonds with friends and family where we help each other out, participate in a union and some kind of sports club, why would that be worse than a couple that never leaves the house and refuses to have children?

By families, I didn't mean children. A couple is a family. As I mentioned previously, friends and comrades are relationships as well. I meant that kind of family. Hookups don’t provide that kind of connection due to their individualistic nature.

And lastly, why does it have to be either hookups or relationships? Many marriages that start early fail, while marriages that start with both partners being 30+ tend to be very stable. Why would I go into a long term relationship at 20, when I hardly know myself, rather than making a bunch of experiences and then setteling down later?

Again, I am not telling you how to live your life. I am making an analysis of the individualistic and atomistic nature of hookup culture. You dont have to get married or hookup if you dont want to. What I say is that hookups are individualistic and objectifying, and if you want to do it for whatever reason that is up to you.

Your entire view of human interaction, relationships and community is just is so extremely foreign to me, and I don't think we will ever agree.

This is not relevant to the discussion, but okay 🤷🏽‍♂️

Obviously, you have made very different experiences, and I'm sorry about that.

Okay… Can you please not patronize me…

But I do believe that what you experienced is not a problem with hookups. What you are talking about when you talk about hookups sounds more like rape to me.

Lol, and again we go with the wild leaps and assumptions 🤣. This do make the convo kind of fun though.

When I have sex, my partner is not just an object. That's not what sex is, at least to me, you can't just do whatever you want without considering the other. You absolutely do have to take into account the other person's preferences and desires if it is to be a rewarding experience for both.

On hookups, one doesnt even need to know the person’s name. One doesn’t need to know what is the person's favorite color, their birthday, or anything about them. This is a way of dehumanization.

A complaint that I hear a lot about hookups is that people are selfish and just want to get off themselves. Women mostly complain about how the guy doesnt really care about her reaching orgasm, but the guy wants to only get off himself.

One can try to make the hookup experience as human as possible but ultimately the individualistic nature of it will devolve on the objectification of the other individual and that is what the hookup culture is filled with, selfish individuals.