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What's a good and non patronising way to help my neighbour out (lemmy.world)

submitted 10 months ago by Noedel@lemmy.world to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml

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My neighbour has a cat called Stevie. Stevie hangs out with us a lot and we look after him when my neighbour is away.

Yesterday we found Stevie very unwell in our garden. We took him to the neighbour and she immediately rushed him to the vet.

She mentioned the vet was 200 dollars which was a big unexpected expense for her. Her son's birthday is on Monday and she won't be able to do anything for his birthday now.

My wife and I are fortunate enough for 200 dollars to not be a lot of money for us and we want to help, but I'm unsure how.

One option would be that we leave her a little card with 100 dollars and write that we wanted to help because we care about Stevie too.

Another idea is we ask her to do some gardening for us (that's her job, and we're too busy to do it ourselves right now).

I don't want her to feel patronised or awkward about any of this... Happy to take insights.

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[–] intensely_human@lemm.ee 9 points 9 months ago

The way to help a person without being condescending is to add ZERO padding to your offer. Make it as direct as possible.

“Hey it makes us feel bad that you can’t afford your son’s birthday party now. Would it be okay with you if we provided the $200? It would really make us feel better”

No padding, no qualification, nothing. And frame it as what it is: a request for her to help you feel gratified by helping.

“Will you please let us pay? It would mean a lot to us” is how you need to present it to not be condescending.