I was so excited about this book. I thought the four main characters all seemed promising and that it’s written beautifully especially when it comes to describing the setting, characters and particularly the emotions. I can’t remember the last book I read that I can vividly imagine in my head as I read through as much as this one. I found that the storytelling is rich and could have been impactful. Unfortunately, there were too many unnecessary elements in the story that made it such a drag.
One of my biggest issue about this book is how misleading the description is. I was so enamored with their friendship and the dynamics and the lack of romantic attachment. I found it so refreshing and so wholesome that it makes me envious for that kind of friendship. I started losing interest when the book turns to the relationship between Jude and Wilhelm. I understand that Jude is fragile and seems improbable to open up to anyone else other than Wilhelm but I feel like what a waste of storyline between two best friends. It was a huge let down.
After finishing the book I’m left with the question of what does this story aim to deliver? What impact does it want to give its reader? The emotional investment of reading through so much pain and trauma is for nothing, not worth it.
And lastly, poor poor Harold. If the story centered on him this books will probably be more heart breaking. He deserves more.
I hated it the whole thing. It was torture-porn. An entire book of worst case scenarios.
I guess I am not the target audience for this book.
I didn't cry, not even once, I felt angry through most of it.
Jude was stubborn and prideful and selfish. He fell through the cracks. They all pretended he was okay, and walked on eggshells so as not to upset him. Fuck that. You don't get to torture everyone around you, sorry.
They gave him all these ultimatums and threats, "if you don't do this, if you don't do that, you're going to be committed, when he should have been committed YEARS ago. I know ppl hospitalized for less than what he did to himself (and he should've been hospitalized for months, on medication, with heavy in-patient therapy, group sessions, one-on-one, not for a few days or weeks, then released with the promises that he'll do everything he's supposed to do, only to continue lying and cutting and just going through the motions that he thinks everyone wants him to do.)
It was so unrealistic, I expected it to end with Jude, back in the monastery as a child, imagining the worst possible life, only for it to turn out to not be real.
Andy should have lost his damn license, for allowing it to go on so long, enabling him, just letting him do whatever the fuck he wanted without consequence, with more threats and more ultimatums and more enabling, and never actually doing anything about it.
All of them, closing their eyes and hoping everything would be okay. And the thing I'm most mad about is the way it ended. What was the point of the book if he was just gonna kill himself anyway? There's no message there except everything sucks and then you die anyway. The constant hell he put himself and everyone else through, for years and years and years, only to do it anyway, barely doing anything to try to get better. And don't say he tried, bc he still needlessly punished himself, cut himself, threw himself into walls, even when he was in his "happy years." That's not getting better. Trying doesn't count until you've exhausted all options. All his did was fight it. That's not trying. Again, you don't get to torture everyone around you for decades.
Everybody who read it was like "I cried so hard."
I'm sitting here with dry eyes and fury. I kept waiting for the sadness and all I had was disgust with everyone. Even Wilhelm, who enabled Jude just like everyone else, though I have to say he at least wasn't scared to push him like everyone else was.
Jude was infuriating. He could've saved everyone so much pain (including his own) if he hadn't have been so wrapped up in his own goddamn head all the time.