this post was submitted on 14 Nov 2023
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My best friend of 15 years told me, when I had a rough patch, that he's there for me just reach out but unless I initiate he would treat any interaction as just a normal day.
Throughout the rough patch I choose not to speak of it and just treated our hang outs as a chance to get away. He choose to support me in the only way he knew how and the only way he was comfortable with. I was not comfortable and didn't know how to ask for more support. It's about 7 years from then and my parents still don't know, I just don't know how to ask for and engage with emotional support. I am completely weirded out by the concept of talking about my emotions and somebody else caring, it gives me a high level of anxiety.
TLDR: small male friend groups with limited experience providing or receiving emotional support are unlikely to provide explicit emotional support and there's a good chance if you're a man who needs it you don't know how to ask
It's 100% natural to not want to bring up personal/emotional shit as a guy, it's hardcoded into our DNA it seems.
I for one, don't because when I do get a rare chance to hang with the guys I'm not going to Buzzkill it, and neither do they like it's an unspoken man code. Our therapy is not talking it out like women do. Our therapy IS the hanging out/activities we do with our friends.
Man... You couldn't be more wrong and all you're doing is perpetuating the problem.
dude its because you guys were never taught how to express your emotion in a healthy and productive way. you probably don't even know where to start to express grief, just "I don't know" and "yeah I'm fine".
I wasn't. I'm working on it. How do I do that?
I would say start small, reach out to a trusted friend. and say that you would like to connect with people more genuinely. ask them about their days and take an actual interest in their wellness. ask them if they mind you sharing with them your feelings.
however, you might not have someone like that and making friends as adults is difficult so therapy is another method. make it clear that you're there to learn to express your emotions in a healthy way. and let the therapist guide you through them.
this process is not the easiest, you would need to learn to be vulnerable. and unlearn behaviors and tactics that you've grown accustomed to. but there is strength in acknowledging weaknesses. and I wish you the best.