this post was submitted on 10 Nov 2023
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Showerthoughts
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My resume is almost entirely truthful.
And the parts that are even slightly untruthful are stupid little things that would require explanation, like the fact that I had a bunch of different jobs when I was in my early twenties and sorting myself out.
There's no need for me to go into the long and drawn out process of explaining my personal circumstances from years ago that are no longer relevant and have no impact or bearing on my ability to do the job or be an effective and useful team member.
The one part where I do practically fabricate information out of whole cloth is when discussing salaries.
If you were to ask me what my current salary is I would tell you a number that is based on my current salary and the value of my 401k and the value of my PTO and the value of my convenient commute to work and the value of the people that I work with and the circumstances that I find myself in all rolled into one.
My current salary is what my current job is worth to me that somebody else would have to pay me in order to get me to leave it.
If I relay that information to you and then you beat that salary offer by several percent then we might have a deal.
You get it.
Is just a way to navigate the corporate landscape. Most of that is bullshit, just a suit, a happy face and some specific knowledge that helps you get an edge and you are done baby. If you've got a portfolio, even better.
Question, how do you cover up having lots of different jobs? Just not put them on the list? I'm at that stage in my life right now and am slightly worried a lot of different jobs looks bad on paper
I personally have gone the route of having a full resume that includes all the details of my employment history, and then I'll use that as a basis for creating a specialized 2-page resume for the job I'm after.
i.e. if I won't be working with animals then I won't put down employment at a dog groomers. If I won't be cleaning, then I won't write "custodian" on the 2-page resume. I do however leave anything that includes certification, management, or other merits. Or anything relevant to the job I'm applying for.
From there, I just adjust the dates to fill in long gaps between employment. I still leave a few weeks or months between job titles so if they ask during an interview, then I can go over the jobs not included in my resume and blab about "finding my true passion in employment" and all that other fake shit. I do not dream of labor.
In my specific case, the longest job I worked was for 4 years with a company that went out of business.
I became friends with the manager and was pretty close to his right hand man during the course of the businesses operation, but the time that I work for him was split up so I asked him if it was okay if he got a call for a job check to say that I had worked for him for that entire time period and he agreed, so that covered seven years of job hoppery as all one cohesive thing.
After I got my first big boy post college job they never really checked past the time I spent working there so it was just enough to get me through the door so I'd have a chance to prove myself and once I had proved myself I was clear.