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Advice on helping a loved one through alcoholism? (lemm.ee)

submitted 1 year ago by Flickerby@lemm.ee to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml

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My fiance has been struggling a lot lately with this and it's taking a toll on me. I'm doing all I can and all I know how to do but it's getting really hard and exhausting to deal with the constant cycle of abuse and then apology and then abuse and then apology over and over and over again for months. Usually day by day. I have convinced her to go to a counselor for help and she has an appointment set and seemed willing but she has kept up the cycle of drinking and I'm afraid she'll just ignore it or pretend to go. If anyone has experience helping a loved one through overcome this I would appreciate the help. She is an absolutely wonderful person when she is sober and I love her with all my heart but I'm not sure what else I can do and I don't want the rest of my life to consist of this.

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[–] 0x4E4F@infosec.pub -2 points 1 year ago (3 children)

I'm not willing to take that chance again. Got burned once, not willing to try it again.

And I was speaking from my own experience, as everyone else does (yourself included).

[–] Afghaniscran 3 points 1 year ago (2 children)

That's fair, I'm sorry that you've been through what you have, but you made a heavy generalisation that people don't change, my experience is that they can and do.

[–] 0x4E4F@infosec.pub -2 points 1 year ago (1 children)

In general, they don't... especially not at that age (25+). The ones you mentioned are rare cases, maybe like 5% of the population (dropig numbers, haven't seen any research papers on the subject)... at least from what I've seen so far in life.

You're probably young and optimistic, I get that, I was as well. But, when you see how things around you develop (in what direction), you start to realize that people have certain character traits that makes them who they are, regardless if they are good or bad. It's just who they are 🤷. Sure, they do change, but then they relapse and then there is that vicious circle of up and down, which I hate to be honest.

[–] Afghaniscran 3 points 1 year ago

I'm not that young and optimistic tbh, it sounds like you've just been dealt a tough hand in life and hope you can get through it one day. Truly.