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Advice on helping a loved one through alcoholism? (lemm.ee)

submitted 1 year ago by Flickerby@lemm.ee to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml

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My fiance has been struggling a lot lately with this and it's taking a toll on me. I'm doing all I can and all I know how to do but it's getting really hard and exhausting to deal with the constant cycle of abuse and then apology and then abuse and then apology over and over and over again for months. Usually day by day. I have convinced her to go to a counselor for help and she has an appointment set and seemed willing but she has kept up the cycle of drinking and I'm afraid she'll just ignore it or pretend to go. If anyone has experience helping a loved one through overcome this I would appreciate the help. She is an absolutely wonderful person when she is sober and I love her with all my heart but I'm not sure what else I can do and I don't want the rest of my life to consist of this.

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[–] MrAlternateTape@lemm.ee 6 points 1 year ago

It's make or break time. Either she gets into a program to quit and actually quits, or you leave. Even if you love that person.

My experience is that you will be tempted to help them, but by helping you keep enabling their addiction. Not only that, but costs you a lot of energy to do this too. It's not a balanced relation and the abuse will not stop, it will only get worse. It will cost you a lot, and it's much better to take your loss now and leave.

So protect yourself, stand your ground. She either quits completely with your support or she loses you.

Good luck. I have seen some of what an alcohol addiction can do, and I absolutely do not wish it to happen on anyone else, but in particular the victims of the alcoholic.