this post was submitted on 26 Sep 2023
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as an expert^1^ I can affirm that singular usage of they/them is absolutely acceptable in polite conversation with people who may be non-binary or with people whom you don't wish to assume what gender they identify as.
1 - Why am I claiming I am an expert? I'm nonbinary and trans myself; and I moderated /r/genderqueer for a long time; so I do see trends.
You mean say, "they is"? I can't do that. As an early ESL student, "they are" was hammered into me, and using plural noun as a singular noun, or vice versa, physically hurts me (as in, it actually causes me anxiety to say it). I don't mind hearing it, though. If this is not what you meant, would you mind elaborating?
No; afaik as a native speaker we use "they are". Even when using them in the singular form.
I can't do anything about your reaction. Using they as a singular word has been valid for a long time. (at least 10 years)
https://grammarist.com/usage/they/ https://www.verywellmind.com/they-them-pronouns-7110726
The article is dated 2023, which kind of adds to it's modern validity, so thank you for that. It does mention the use of "they are" referring to a singular person, as early as 1375. Looking into that further (off article), its use was generally only accepted when the gender of the person/animal was unknown. Regardless, I don't have an issue saying "they are" when referring to an individual (a Trans, for example). The hella annoying physical reaction is when I try to use "they is". So, follow-up question: "they are my friend" when referring to a Trans is fine? I mean, I don't have to use "they is my friend"?