Today I Fucked Up

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The original was posted on /r/tifu by /u/ThrowRA_radvice123 on 2023-09-26 13:17:28.

Original on my profile, it's been 6 months since the post, and 6 months since we broke up (or rather: since I asked her to leave, which happened approximately one week after the original post on my profile).

The original post had some very constructive comments, some nasty stuff, some incel stuff and some other stuff about LGBTQ and non-monogamous relationships. Also, I want to thank those girls DMing me boobs and the guy who wanted to narrate the whole thing (who would want to do that?).

I don't necessarily want to pick up on the comments, but briefly point out with what I agree on and leave out the nasty stuff which I don't agree on:

-I had my ex-GF repeatedly cross my boundaries which was stupid enough on its own.

-She would have likely figured out her sexuality in any case; however, I have been supportive of that throughout the whole relationship, as I myself am somewhat on the bisexual spectrum (but leaning heavily towards women).

-I may have been more of a provider than I originally thought (hindsight is 20/20).

-Having one-sided open relationships is a stupid thing to "commit" to.

-The relationship was long-doomed even before that post, but I didn't see it because infatuation is a crazy thing.

Since we split up, the first thing I did was to try to focus on my new job, which didn't work very well. I had many sleepless nights, lost 7kgs and barely ate. However, I also stopped drinking alcohol, bought a new racing bike and started making old friends my new friends (we had a shared circle of friends, to which I also mostly cut contact as well. I now have dozens of other cool people around me.). After a couple of months, my solo-life started to get better. I realized that my social circle is way bigger than I initially thought. I started therapy (it helps), went to a festival to the UK with people I met on reddit, went to two other festivals with other friends and somehow managed to not get fired from my new job within the trial period. It would be a lie to say that I am currently outperforming at work, but it is what it is. I am, right now, enjoying the first solo vacation since the beginning of 2023 and let me tell you... not trying to balance a learning curve at work, an ex-girlfriend, no sex and the stress of being an adult all at once is something I really needed.

Dating wise, I started online dating roughly a month or two ago just to see what's out there. I'm not over the break up yet, but I am ready to throw myself out there (as long as I don't need to hide my past, things will be fine). I would also commit to a new relationship, if things are going great. So far... it's an experience. Regarding online dating, I only managed the couples profile with my Ex so far and have not been using online dating apps as a single male person, but I am right now trying to sort through hundreds of likes on Tinder and Bumble as I have the great luck to live in a big city. Managing all these deep conversations in person and via whats app is something very new to me. In the beginning, I went on multiple dates a week (probably just to boost my confidence) which was stupid, because there were some no-go's which could have easily been discussed via texting for 10 minutes first. The only thing I really hate is that some women out there talk a lot via text but when it comes to meeting up in person, they bail. Also, my sex drive is currently still very low, but I guess as soon as the right person comes around the corner (which only happened once so far)... In conclusion, I guess my experience does not differ from the experience of anybody else using online dating apps, so this probably is the process I have to undergo just like everybody else.

Another TIFU at the end of this life update:

I also had some contact with my ex-GF in the past months, and she is only on my "block" list since roughly 2 months. The contact with my ex-GF included her inviting me in a polyamorous relationship with her although at that point in time she hasn't found a new partner, her not accepting the break up as final or not giving me the closure by simply telling me: "it is over because sexually, I am more interested in women", her falling back to the same narrative that destroyed my ego in the past years, her always trying to introduce backdoors into her narrative to get back together with me at some point in the future and me asking how tf that is supposed to happen... you'll get the idea. It took me way to long to simply accept that this is not the person I initially fell in love with anymore.

I am good, life is good, there are problems, but different ones than before. I am dating, but mostly ending things after the first date to not lead people on (read: I am not having sex with people who are solely in search for a relationship when I know it is not gonna work out; communication is key). Also, I don't really know what I want yet, other than not being treated like a provider and maybe be a bit kinky again at some point in the future.

TL;DR: ex-girlfriend is crazy. Life is getting better, but still not perfect. Trying to enjoy the process.