But also, can I get some advice from the community? After a long while, I finally lifted the veil over my eyes and came to terms with the fact that I am totally and unapologetically homosexual. But I've been married for a long time so we're trying to make it work and just extend ourselves to polyamory. I've booted up a dating profile, but should I include that I am a baby gay? Do I include my open relationship? Or are those things to talk about in person? Any advice?

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[–] waow@lemm.ee 5 points 1 year ago

Not sure if anyone’s interested in a very specific gay Eastern European take but…

I think dating apps have fucked the LGBT community in my country.

In a way, politically and socially, these apps have benefited conservatives and homophobes because they keep gay life away from public visibility.

Of course on the other hand the apps do enable gay people who live in smaller communities to be able to meet other gay people at all.

In intimate terms, and this is the impression I also get from talking to western gay people, the apps have affected how people relate to each other. Getting sex is very easy, but getting anything else is hard.

I can count on the fingers of one hand how many gay men wanted to go out on a date from Grindr. As soon you say you don’t just want to hook up they’re not interested.

And apps have also made people very selective not just in terms of what kind of person they want but also what kind of sex. It can get really dehumanising when someone not only asks for a dick pic but also wants to see it in various states and angles before they even decide to come over. And then the “negotiations” on what will each person do to the other… it’s almost like ordering take out.

Apps have also caused physical gay meeting places like bars and club to become more boring. People come, get a drink and take out their phones.

All in all, there’s a lack of spontaneity and flirtatiousness.

For men of my generation who only know apps (I am 34) there’s also a marked deficiency in “game.” Which is to say most gay men have none. They don’t know how to flirt or be seductive or fun. They just know “I want you to fuck me like this and cum on this part of my body.”

I do see a different trend with younger gay people though. Many are either avoiding the apps or deciding not to use them for hooking up but for dating. I think this is a positive development. I don’t date very young men (youngest for me is around 25) but it seems there a lot of gay guys under 30 who do want more than just endless Grindr hookups.