I honestly feel bad posting here again, I feel like a burden. It's just me struggling.. so feel free to skip this post and look at more interesting things
the past two months have been much tougher for me than usual, and when I am not doing well, my capacity to interact with other people is pretty close to zero. I feel a very strong desire to be alone. Having other people notice that I am not well is pretty much the worst thing - I can't talk about what's wrong, and every time I tried my best expressing myself it didn't help. All I really get is advice that does not work for me. So I usually try to pretend I am okay, but at a certain point I can't even really do that anymore.
problem is I'm not living alone. I've skipped quite a number of meals in the past week because I don't want to get into conversations that I don't want to have. I feel like it would be disastrous unmasked, that's why I go this far just to avoid interaction. both of my roommates judge me for spending so much time in my room and I think they tell me to get out every time they see me. I never know how to react to that. Being open about my mental health isn't a good idea - it will end up in them giving me advice that might work for neurotypical, and then they'd blame me if I don't follow their advice. They already kind of do that. I've told one of them about my diagnosis but I don't really think that has no meaning for him.
I feel pathetic skipping dinner anything because I want to avoid social interactions. But in all honesty, I still think it is not worth the stress.
I knew someone that did something similar for the same reason, though it was conversations about his future with his mom that he was trying to avoid.
Something that helped with him is to go outside, NOT to interact with people, but just to go on hikes or walk, where you can keep your headphones in and not say a word to someone else, but just to get outside your room, which even though it’s a refuge, can also start to feel like a prison.
Honestly you interact with people much more indoors than outdoors, so viewing a walk as a form of peaceful solitude can be great for getting fresh air and exercise, and you’ll notice you get much less judgement from your roommates if your going outside. You’ll also notice your mental health will probably improve as well.
that is a good idea... I should really get out of my room. I'll do that this weekend ☀️