this post was submitted on 16 Jun 2023
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Making close friends as an adult (beehaw.org)
submitted 1 year ago by emeraldheart@beehaw.org to c/chat@beehaw.org
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Hi everyone! I'm in my late 20s and I've been reminiscing on my young adult life and what I like/don't like. One point that has been coming up for me is close, vulnerable friendships. I used to have a few friends who I was very close to a few years ago, who I could talk to about deep life stuff, big emotions, vulnerable feelings and worries, and also just enjoy time together discussing silly/serious media or the world.

I have since lost these friends, one way or another. Some simply drifted, some left in a flurry of drama and hurt feelings. I thankfully kept some friends, but a lot of them have been lost.

Despite the volatility of those friendships, there was something I was getting from them that I really needed and still need. I think that need is simply the human desire for close companionship. I have a partner, and he's wonderful; he's not particularly feel-y however, and my friends aren't either. I think I need more emotionally-vulnerable people.

My question is this... How does one make these friends as an adult? In fact, how does one make any friends as an adult? I'm finding myself not knowing how to proceed and find other emotional folk. Any advice would be appreciated. <3

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[โ€“] SlamDrag@beehaw.org 20 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Everyone is already giving the generic advice of do hobbies or volunteer. This is good advice! That's how you meet people. But the transition from "hobby" friend to "life" friend is difficult and frankly just awkward. It's kind of like romantic relationships, there isn't a right or wrong way. You just got to take leaps of faith and be vulnerable with people with the expectation that rejection is possible.

I'm still kind of navigating this phase. I have some good friends that I do my hobbies with, and then it's like, how do I go from there? Really it's just about being open and hospitable towards others. Opening your home and inviting people in, asking people if they want to come over for dinner or watch a movie with you.

[โ€“] Dymonika@beehaw.org 2 points 1 year ago

FRF: food, recreation, fitness (and maybe volunteering which could in a sense be seen as recreation) will do it. I try to combine two of any of the above in a single day's worth of proposed events, like a hike and then lunch, etc.

It's not easy. You have to be really dedicated to keeping friendships alive by pinging every 2-3 weeks (monthly is probably just a little bit too long). Then see how often they do so with you over time, or how they attempt to carry conversations after initiation. Back away from the ones who just do not reciprocate, for one reason or another (and know that it's not a reflection of you!). You may face many, many cancellations or outright rejections or possibly standups. It's a marathon, not a sprint.