this post was submitted on 31 Jul 2023
743 points (95.5% liked)
Don’t You Know Who I Am?
3809 readers
2 users here now
Posts of people not realising the person they’re talking to, is the person they’re talking about.
Acceptable examples include:
- someone not realising who they’re talking to
- someone acting more important than they are
- someone not noticing a relevant username
- someone not realising the status/credentials of the person they’re talking to
Discussions on any topic are encouraged but arguements are not welcome in this community. Participate in good faith - don’t be aggressive and don’t argue for arguments sake.
The posts here are not original content, the poster is not OP and doesn’t necessarily agree with or condone the views in the post. The poster is not looking to argue with you about the content in the post.
Rules:
This community follows the rules of the lemmy.world instance and the lemmy.org code of conduct. I’ve summarised them here:
- Be civil, remember the human.
- No insulting or harassing other members. That includes name calling.
- Censor any identifying info of private individuals in the posts. This includes surnames and social media handles.
- Respect differences of opinion. Civil discussion/debate is fine, arguing is not. Criticise ideas, not people.
- Keep unrequested/unstructured critique to a minimum. If you wish to discuss how this community is run please comment on the stickied post so all meta conversations are in one place.
- Remember we have all chosen to be here voluntarily. Respect the spent time and effort people have spent creating posts in order to share something they find amusing with you.
- Swearing in general is fine, swearing to insult another commenter isn’t.
- No racism, sexism, homophobia, transphobia, xenophobia or any other type of bigotry.
- No incitement of violence or promotion of violent ideologies.
Please report comments that break site or community rules to the mods. If you break the rules you’ll receive one warning before being banned from this community.
PLEASE READ LEMMY.ORG’S CITIZEN CODE OF CONDUCT: https://join-lemmy.org/docs/code_of_conduct.html
PLEASE READ LEMMY.WORLD’S CODE OF CONDUCT: https://lemmy.world/legal
founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
view the rest of the comments
I take it you're not a woman or afab presenting then? Go ask a woman you trust to tell you what it means when a man starts explaining her hobbies to her as if she doesn't understand them.
Man, guys do this to everyone because they care about what they do. I've had guys do it to me and I love it because we can have a passionate conversation then.
Look, if after she revealed who she was he dismissed her, then yeah, he's an ass and the conversation is a waste of time. But, I know a lot of guys who would do exactly this and then be really excited to talk to her and learn about her experiences, myself included.
Yup, my dad would have a blast talking running with anyone who will let him, and he'd do the same thing as this guy. There wouldn't be an bit of condescension about it.
No, you ask them if they're familiar with the concept. You don't give them a intro course to it. One treats them as a peer. The other treats them as unknowledgeable. It's disrespectful to assume someone has no knowledge in the topic they admit to be interested in. Going on a long spiel isn't a passionate dialogue. It's a long monologue trying to teach someone something because you assume you're the teacher and they're the student in the situation.
No, there are guys who absolutely talk to women as if they know nothing about the topic no matter what the woman stated before hand. I've seen guys do that to my coworker who's been a developer for years and if they have to tell her some sort of critique on her code, they'll explain from like a intro comp sci point and detail everything and then finally just mention their critique at the end. All that was needed was the criticism itself, not the full history of programming. When I get a critique, it's just "hey, try XYZ because of ABC."
Happens at the gym too. Hell, I've literally been next to a woman who brings up a topic they like that the other guy likes and then they just start talking to me and I didn't even mention I enjoy the topic.
Just because you don't do it, don't pretend it doesn't happen. Women react the ways they do because of experience. Also, I highly doubt you've seen guys talk to someone interested in the same topic in the same way as if the other person knows nothing. It's disrespectful regardless of gender.
I've seen it happen.
Edit: let's keep in mind, this whole time you're correcting a woman on a topic that you've yet to show any experience in, plus weren't even present for and all you have is her perspective, and you still said it's wrong.
Of course it happens. I never said it doesn't. I said it sounds to me like he's just passionate about something in this case. I even said if he ignores her expertise after he finds out who she is, then he's an ass and ignore him.
Dude, it's a conversation with a stranger. Why do you act like I've never had any experience talking with a stranger?
You're doubling down on correcting her and saying her interpretation is worse than yours. And I need to point out again, you weren't there and she was. Yet you still are committed to saying your interpretation is better. Wow. Just wow, buddy.
So, we aren't ever allowed to suggest that another course of action was better if we weren't there? Really?
No, you can do so. But have a better fucking reason than making up entirely different scenarios. When the situation actually contains enough info to know they're wrong, then sure. But when there is no reason or evidence to question them, why do it?
MEN BAD MEN BAD MAN BAD MAN BAG
This doesn't sound like a mansplain scenario to me, I think the guy was just happy to talk running (and also might not exist). So if a woman says they run I should say "well I'm sure you know everything there is to know about that. No need for further discussion." ? Sounds fucking dull.
This thread is full of mountains of projection trying to explain why it’s fine and probably great that the guy in the OP did this.
But of course only one person involved in the whole post was actually there: the woman who made the tweet. Do you think that tweet is coming from someone who had to deal with a friendly-but-passionate dude explaining training techniques?
Could be, but the language of her tweet suggests annoyance.
Also your suggested response is equally obnoxious. It’s pretty simple: if she says she runs you ask more about it—“oh what kind of running do you do?”
What you definitely do not say is “you should be doing X” without asking what kind of training they already do. Seems obvious.
Talk about mountains of projection …
You can ask about experiences before launching into a 3-year training regimen, you know.
Or, you could just accept the fact that people like talking about their hobbies and stop looking for a reason to be upset over an obviously ficticious story meant to manufacture outrage.
No, going on a long spiel is not discussing your hobbies. It's dominating the conversation and taking it from something that apparently she brought up, to about how he could help her with his knowledge. That's not a conversation. A conversation would be asking her about it before assuming she literally knows nothing. Have a back and forth about it. Have her talk about her experience. He can talk about his. You know. Like two normal humans instead of a non-stop running lesson no one asked for.
MAN BAD
I am a man. I do not think that's the message of any of this. Only a simple mind would come to such a conclusion. Do better.
You said the thing! Yes, I must must must must DO BETTER... the shame!