Hello!
Boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for 3 years in December. We live 1 hour and 30 minutes apart and meet as often as we can, usually that‘s once or twice a week.
My boyfriend has changed a lot this year and it has sent me down a spiral. We barely talk, even if he is home all day. When we do talk, it‘s me doing the talking. He responds to my texts maybe 2-3 hours later which usually wouldn‘t be an issue but i‘ve been with this man for 3 years and he was NEVER like this. He told me that sometimes he just doesn’t feel like responding to me anymore, which again i understand but with everything else it just bugs me. The last time we spent quality time together was maybe a month ago? when we meet we don‘t talk much and we don‘t go outside either because he doesn‘t feel like it. I feel used and i feel like my emotional needs are not being met. I asked him many times if he is okay and what‘s wrong but there is never anything wrong. He doesn‘t seem depressed either. He seems okay with all of this. I am very confused and i communicated my confusion so many times, i feel like my tongue will fall off if i do it again. When we do go outside or when we are in the car, i want to use that opportunity to talk to him because i feel so disconnected from him but he always listens to loud music in his earbuds and it makes me feel like he doesn‘t really want to speak to me anymore. It was my birthday a while back and he had nothing planned, which made me really sad because i planned so much for him. He didn‘t even get me a small cake or a muffin, nothing. He also, and i know this doesn‘t matter but it just upset me, he makes 4x as much money as me because i am a college student with a part-time job and he works full time. I got him a gift over 150 bucks and his gift was maybe 30 max? not even what i wanted and he didn‘t have it ready on my birthday.
2 weeks ago we had an argument. I was at Uni and i had a terrible day and was crying on the train back home and he wasn‘t responding to me the whole day, so i texted my friend and she comforted me and offered to watch a movie online together when i am home. So i did that. My boyfriend was upset that i didn‘t call him when i got home and didn‘t want to speak to him after. I was hurt, because i really was struggling and i don‘t ask for help often but he wasn‘t there even though i know he was on his phone because i kept seeing his reposts.
I really don‘t know what to do anymore. When i try to communicate he really seems like there is no issue at all and he is okay with not speaking to me. He also told me that he is tired from work and can‘t help it but i just don‘t understand. He talks to other friends but having a conversation with me is too much for him.
Does this sound like he doesn‘t love me anymore?
He is tired of you but doesn't have the courage to leave the relationship. Its pretty typical.
If you changed your appearence in the last 3 years and maybe put on extra weight, that could absolutely be a factor too.
He is listening to music to avoid the talk. Because he knows that discussion may tear the relationship apart, and he doesn't want to be alone (just guessing). Or he wants to be alone but is too "nice" to tell you that he wants out. Also the third behavior, to act as if everything is fine, is about avoiding the big talk.
Obviously everything is not fine and you need to have that serious talk, and if you don't get honest answers, you should break up with him.
He could still love you, but could be that he is not attracted to you anymore, and he feels ashamed about that too. I don't know. Just talk.
If he is not going to be honest, you can't fix the problem. You are doing more then your part in trying to understand and fix it. He must too.
i look the same. I haven‘t gained or lost any weight. And when i say i try to talk to him when we are out i am not really talking about having a talk about our relationship or anything, i tried that enough. I meant more like connecting. Sharing things and joking, laughing, that kinda stuff because he hasn‘t been sharing things with me anymore and i don‘t really feel like sharing anything with him over the phone. I tried talking so so so so often. We aren‘t getting anywhere and i don‘t want to suffocate him with it
You are right, it could be easier to try and get some kind of a basic connection again, but the problem will still be there... And you will have to figure it out.
But if you use that connection to remember what you like about eachother, it will make that hard conversation easier, unless your boyfriend gets angry and feels trapped and cornered. But I don't see how you can solve anything without talking about what's going on, and sooner rather than later. :)
But it's hard to give advice about this. People are so different and when I read your words, I have imaginary people in my head since I don't know you guys. :) But I wish you luck anyway!