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when and how did you know you were gay? (lemm.ee)

submitted 1 month ago by yoshisaur@lemm.ee to c/gay@lemmy.world

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mine was when i was 13. i always thought one of my friends in middle school was good looking…too good looking. a month later we had a sleepover and he took his shirt and shorts off to change… and that confirmed it. side note, did anyone else find the guys on underwear really hot? when i get new underwear, i kinda can’t help but stare at it for a bit until i remember that i’m in public and people could notice that i’m staring. also, i’ve recently fully accepted myself as gay and that’s really helped me mentally. for a few years i would beat myself up about it out of shame. anyways, i was just curious about when and how you found out you were gay?

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[–] Jrockwar 3 points 1 month ago

It's an interesting one for me, because I'm 34 and I still don't know how to define my sexuality well.

The first time I accidentally stumbled upon porn it was lesbian porn, and it made me as horny as an 11-year old can get. I was, I think, genuinely attracted to women.

But over time I started also thinking about men, and coming to terms with the idea that I am bisexual at about 14 or 15.

Up to my early 20s, I had casual hookups with girls and guys, but making more progress (sexually speaking) with the guys because we're a horny bunch.

What ended up happening is that a combination of fear of rejection, and inexperience, put me off women for good. I knew that most women in the 2010s Spain wouldn't want to be with a bisexual guy, so being in a relationship with one would mean I'd have to hide a big part of myself.

So instead I shut that door down and just dated men from that point onwards and I've lived as gay since my 20s. I think that label is not a strictly accurate representation of my sexuality but nowadays, I don't even get attracted to women. I think I'm not "used to" thinking of them that way and they don't trigger that response in me anymore. I'm not sure if that could happen again though, but it doesn't seem possible.

And anyway, I'm very happily partnered now so I don't care about the details. Attraction-wise my boyfriend is all that matters now :)