this post was submitted on 27 Mar 2024
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chapotraphouse
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ngl i feel very similar about cis men. is this intersectionality?
Honestly wouldn't exclude trans men from that. I see that kind of verbage that specifically singles out cis men a lot in trans, lesbian and feminist spaces, i've talked and thought like that in the past as well and i've found that practically all transmascs that i know personally or that i at least regularly interact with online find it extremely othering and belittling when women pretend that trans dudes are somehow the better men, and it is a gender essentialist notion at its core. I mean, they openly call it transphobic, i'm just being diplomatic here.
Yes, transmascs have lived experience with misogyny in almost all cases, they can fall back on that experience while they settle into living in a masculine gender role fulltime, but being the better men everybody believes them to be by default takes work on their part. Many put in that work, but it's a pain in the ass. It isn't realistic to believe they will automatically keep in mind what it's like growing up as somebody who's viewed as a girl in a patriarchal society. And when i hear from the shit early-transition or poorly passing transmascs have to put up with, how often their masculinity is called into doubt, how hard they have to prove themselves, i absolutely find they do go through the exact kind of shit that produces fragile masculinity, toxic masculinity, or just tacit support of misogynist power structures in cis men. There's an entire propaganda apparatus out there specifically targetting men that struggle to look like
And unfortunately, there's transmascs out there that are just awful, shitty people. Trans men are men. Criticizing men should always include them, and they need to do self crit like every other dude.
Back before I cut off dating white men, I ended up with my heart dicked around by a transmasc the exact same way a cis white man had. Third time's the no-go, white men as partners got deaded regardless of what's in their pants. There's fundamentally no difference between the cognitive of a transmasc and that of a cismasc; especially when it's under Anglo socialization.