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what would be the best way to tell your supervisor to stop inquiring about your personal life and mobbing you into opening up? (lemmy.ml)

submitted 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) by sarah2653@lemmy.ml to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml

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my supervisor is an extrovert, whereas I'm an introvert. She feels insulted if I don't share my personal life with her and ridicules me before other coworkers because I separate private and work life and prefer to keep to myself.

I wrote mobbing because that's what it feels to me: a ritual of hers is to always eat together, a time she uses to ask me questions I don't want to answer. I usually answer very vaguely, which is not enough for her. If I eat alone, she'll complaint about why am I being so unfriendly.

She doesn't understand I need time alone to unwind.

She is convinced she is doing me a favor, but the opposite is true. It makes me dislike her even more.

I simply cannot win. It's tiring being blamed and shamed for preferring to read a book instead of talking about dogs or sex.

It makes me want to quit.

I don't know if I go to HR with an issue like this, because they may label me the odd one, the one who's not a teamplayer and use it against me.

Most people are extroverted and react angrily to somebody who keeps to himself and I've been bullied several times for this. Extroverts don't seem to understand that not showing interest in their sexual lives doesn't mean disrespect, but simply that I don't care about it.

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[–] themoken@startrek.website 9 points 2 months ago

Just hold your ground and keep reading your book, eating alone etc. If someone enters personal territory, shut it down by being honest "I don't want to talk about that" and move on. Resist peer pressure and be who you are, it's the same as it was in school.

Also, talk to your coworkers (I know it's hard) about whether they think it's appropriate. You have an impression they're on board with this level of "intimacy" but it's possible they are just going along to get along.

If persisting doesn't work then it's probably time to find another job. Plenty of workplaces out there that just want you to do your job and no more.

HR is definitely not on your side either, unless you can point to specific violations of policy. They exist specifically to cover their own ass, not to actually make your life better.