this post was submitted on 21 Jul 2023
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Lord of the memes
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Describing Bilbo "Motherfucking" Baggins, who set out on a very long journey with the express intention of burglaring a dragon, succeeded in that mission, had a casual chat with the, may I reiterate, DRAGON, along the way, walked away alive, and then played a direct role in murdering said dragon, as a "dragon attack survivor" is an interesting choice.
Ya, nice revisionist history there.
He was in the dragon's home at the time of the attack. And he was invisible! Why does nobody believe me?! I'm not crazy!
Oopsy poopsy, you've activated my trap card.
I am not crazy! I know he swapped those numbers. I knew it was 1216. One after Magna Carta. As if I could ever make such a mistake. Never. Never! I just - I just couldn't prove it. He covered his tracks, he got that idiot at the copy shop to lie for him. You think this is something? You think this is bad? This? This chicanery? He's done worse. That billboard! Are you telling me that a man just happens to fall like that? No! He orchestrated it! Jimmy! He defecated through a sunroof! And I saved him! And I shouldn't have. I took him into my own firm! What was I thinking? He'll never change. He'll never change! Ever since he was 9, always the same! Couldn't keep his hands out of the cash drawer! "But not our Jimmy! Couldn't be precious Jimmy!" Stealing them blind! And HE gets to be a lawyer? What a sick joke! I should've stopped him when I had the chance!
Bad bot.
I'm sick of the hobbit courage erasure!
Burgling is the gerund of “to burgle”. Tolkien would be ashamed of burglaring.