this post was submitted on 20 Jul 2023
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Alcohol really messes your brain up in ways it is really hard to see when being influenced by it. I'm at about 18 months sober, and in hindsight I can really see how much of my depression and other problems was being caused by the alcohol, but at the time I really could not see it. So i spent years stuck in this endless spiral of drinking to relieve the depression and anxiety, which was being mostly fueled by the alcohol. I knew I should stop drinking, but trying to deal with the depression without it seemed impossible.
I only managed to stop because I told myself it was temporary - just a few weeks so I didn't have the covid vaccine side effects at the same time, then a couple of weeks more because it was nearly Christmas and I didn't want to be hungover at the family gathering. Then I aimed for three months because some articles said that's how long it took to reverse most of the damage of long term drinking. I guess they were right, because by then I was not feeling like I needed to drink to deal with things.
Great work. I needed help from aa but have reached the same conclusions. A lot of shitty positions I found myself in, poor life outcomes and terrible decisions I made were due to alcohol. I have no idea if I could have stayed sober without aa but doing it alone has not worked in the past. I'd have long sober periods but always ended up having another bender. I'm only just over a month sober this time and finally my anxiety has abated. It really fucks with me. Getting a thorough organ health check next month. Hopefully I didn't do too much damage this time.