"Iffin' you don't like fuckin' there must be sumthin wrong wit'chu'!"
Humans are slaves to sex. As an asexual it's so nice to be free of that. I see it as an upgrade, personally.
this post was submitted on 16 Jan 2024
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Asexual ≠ Not liking sex. Asexual means not feeling sexual attraction. There are plenty of us with a perfectly active libido.
Interesting. I didn't know this. Personally, I actively avoid sex. No interest.
Yep. Asexuality and aromanticism define a lack of a type of attraction. There are a lot of different ways to group attraction types but here is one of the most common ones.
Libido is entirely seperate and in many cases is only somewhat related. Of course, there are plenty of ace people like you too. But personally all of the ace people I know are the horniest people in my friend group. Not finding anyone sexually attractive doesn't stop a person from being a theoretical slut.
Honest question, if you are ace but also very horny, what are you horny about..? What makes you horny? This seems a bit contradictory to me.
I’m not ace, and I feel horny about things I’m sexually attracted to. I can’t imagine feeling horny for other things?
The gist of it is that it's the act not the person. Not feeling sexual attraction basically just means that thwre is noone I find "hot". There are still people I like for platonic reasons and I can still appreciate asthetic beauty but I never look at a person and find them sexually apealing. That doesn't mean they're unapealing it's just that I lack that specific feeling. It's like describing the taste of light; it just doesn't make sense to me.
Even if there is noone I find sexually attractive the act of sex still appeals to me just because it is fun and feels good. When it comes to potential sexual partners platonic attraction is typically what I base that on. It just a fun activity between friends like playing a board game or watching a movie. You can still constantly desire sex without feeling sexual attraction, thus horny.
You could just be horny for your own pleasure, and not towards your sexual partner.
Huuummm but then I feel the word horny has different meanings for us. I’m not horny for pleasure, I’d say. I’m horny for things I’m sexually attracted to. And I feel pleasure in indulging in that. The horniness is not for the pleasure, it’s a feeling that represents that sexual attraction.
How would you describe being “horny for your own pleasure”?
I hope I’m not coming off like a dick, I’m just genuinely curious I swear 😆
Well, I'm not asexual, so I can't really answer for them. But there are times where I am more turned on by the feeling of pleasure than by the subject I am faced with, in a sense. I would assume that is how it works for asexual people.
*Not ace. Getting horny for me feels like a reptile brain thing intruding in my normal life. It's like my body has a very limited use superpower, and can randomly provide hornyness at specific and un-specific moments :) I responded to you because 'just getting horny' seems weird to you, while it doesn't to me.
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Both cultural awareness and clinical medicine have been slow to catch on
...because they refuse to listen, not because any of this is new.
To be fair, culture is always extremely slowly for everything, when it's going forward in the first place.
As for clinical research, i'd say the field is what's new. So i don't expect it to be quicker than common sense before a century at least.
I’m a pansexual with some asexual relationship preferences and I’m SO excited for more awareness. I’ve had a good percentage of partners who were made to feel bad by their own expectations of what they should be doing in a relationship and it’s so fucken stupid.
You’re not weird or wrong because you don’t look at this or that thing through a sexual lens, you might even be healthy for it. 🙊
It's probably just an issue with oxytocin.
It does a lot of stuff, but what's important here is it's about social bonding. When it's not functioning correctly, you just never get lonely, you don't have the negatives from lack of social relationships including romantic.
Also, it's what make orgasms feel amazing. So without it, your getting rid of the two main positives for sexual relationships.
You might still enjoy the act of sex, you just don't get the huge addicting high at the end of it.
So it's at most a "sure, why not" thing compared to everyone else. And for some people, it's just not worth the hassle to varying degrees.
We also haven't identified any genetic markers, but there's likely some out there. And there's environmental issues when young that can effect it your whole life.
So we barely understand the "nurture" component and no idea about the "nature" side of things.
Edit:
Rather than keep responding to the same comments, please just scroll down for more information before replying.
Hey there chief, got any sources for your comment? Like any kind of peer reviewed references to the links between oxytocin and loneliness, romantic relationships and orgasm? Would be interesting to read.
You'd be better off with general academic articles or even just the Wikipedia for it if you don't know anything about oxytocin yet
But here you go:
https://psycnet.apa.org/record/2020-48708-003
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/22281209/
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3183515/
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8009111/
Unless you have a background in medicine/psychology it'll probably be over your head. But if your familiar with any type of research you can probably manage.
I'd start with something this tho
Thanks, that was actually really interesting and I learnt stuff I didn't know beforehand. The thing is your comment seemed to trigger quite a few people (me included) because it seemed insensitive. Thankfully you later commented that "For some people (like all the ones in the article) they want it fixed. Others are perfectly happy the way they are, and both are fine and none of anyone else’s business" so you obviously get it. It's funny how easy it is for people to misunderstand each other in forums like this. This has been a learning experience for me.
No worries.
Came here from /all like most people probably did. I was used to /science on Reddit where most people have a scientific background.
So my comment assumed familiarity with all the basic stuff. And yeah, science wise you have to be a little insensitive talking about this stuff, but most of the time it's described as "clinical" instead.
Which has not worked out well from all the replies I got lol.
I just didn't know the tone of this community
I mean it's generally bad form to attempt to explain why someone is of a particular orientation. You don't say "well you're only gay because you have trauma," because that's fucked up and overtly reductive of a key aspect of their personality.
I don't experience sexual attraction. I still get horny. Orgasms feel great. I get lonely all the time, and still need social interaction. My experience is far from unique amongst asexual people. I don't think it's as simple as a single chemical imbalance.
At the same time, I am scientifically-minded, and understand that my mind arises as a product of the processes of my brain and body. I don't disagree that hormones play as a factor in my orientation, but not everyone in the ace community shares that sentiment, and of course having your orientation chalked up to a specific medical or phychological "quirk" generally feels bad.
If you dont mind me asking what is the difference between sexual attraction and being horny?
Sexual attraction requires a object of attraction, usually a person who you feel the urge to have sex with. Arousal isn't directed.
So does arousal have no trigger in your case¿? Is morning wood an example of such arousal where it is not directed¿?
Basically. Sometimes I just realize I'm horny. If the situation allows, I may go deal with it. I'm sure there have been times where a stimulus of a sexual nature produced an arousal response in me, but never from a desire for intercourse with the object of the stimulus.
Thanks for indulging my curiosity.
No problem. As an aside, and just so you know, my experience may not be unique, but it also does not describe that of all asexual people. There is a WHOLE lot of variation.
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wow I didn't know being Ace made me immune to lonliness I guess all those days where I felt the complete emptiness from having a lack of relationship was just me being goofy :p
You've got to be careful how you're referring to it. Asexual is not the same thing as aromantic. Confusing the two causes people to misunderstand both.
But neither are binary things... People can be asexual and/or aromantic in lots of different ways to various degrees.
And both are related to oxytocin. Either production or uptake, maybe both.
No two people are exactly the same.
Everyone is so hung up on labels, if this wasn't a sub literally called c/science, I would have put all the disclaimers in there. But I assumed people on here wouldn't need it, and understood this stuff is always a scale.
When it’s not functioning correctly
Not functioning in the same way as the majority of people does not mean it is not functioning correctly.
TLDR: the language used to talk about science isn't the same as common day to day language.
Long explanation:
It's a neurotransmitter...
It exists to do something.
If for one reason or another that's not happening, or just too much or too less, then the biological process is not functioning correctly.
We're not talking about if that's a good or bad thing.
Like, I don't have a specific liver enzyme that breaks opioids down into active metabolites. It's nonfunctioning.
But that's a good thing, because the trade off to common opioids not working, is better to me than the opposite where I'm incredibly likely to get addictied from metabolizing too fast.
If oxytocin isn't able to work, then something in the process isn't functioning correctly. That's not a judgement on what's normal or best. It's a factual statement about a biological process. One part might not work at all, both parts might not, or you might just be on different ends of a couple different scales.
Or like pheromones. Humans can produce very small amounts, we just don't have the organ to pick it up. It's a system where it's 100% for it to be non functional.
That's kind of how evolution ebbs and flows. Sometimes stuff just stops working if there's no pressure for it.
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Its not a problem though
Sure...
Anytime you're taking about neurotransmitters or hormones, there's not really a "right" or "wrong".
Just natural human variation. And there's a shit ton of human variation.
They actually make oxytocin nasal spray now. But if someone is happy with who they are, it's not like they have to take it. I don't know of any studies where it's used with asexuality though, I think just autism.
For some people (like all the ones in the article) they want it fixed. Others are perfectly happy the way they are, and both are fine and none of anyone else's business
There are lots of asexuals who can orgasm just fine and feel amazing after just like anyone else, and who can be lonely. You know sex isn't the only form of social bonding right? Asexuals are perfectly capable of forming social relationships, including romantic ones since being asexual and aromantic aren't the same thing. This comment is so off base it's frankly a bit ridiculous, you clearly have no idea how asexuality works so maybe you shouldn't make sweeping assumptions about it.
Who taught all you people that neurotransmitters were binary?
It's starting to get concerning...
You certainly talk about them like they're binary. You talk like someone who doesn't actually know anything about asexual people, and I say that as someone who is asexual myself. Imagine if someone tried to narrow down being gay or bi to a single chemical, it's ridiculous.
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