got raised in a soccdem family with communist aesthetics (parents are socdem but for example dad is adamant that Stalin saved the planet).
When i was 15 the local socialist party tasked some people to reform the youth wing. i got recruited, i was the youngest. Initially i was very active and involved. As one of the first members i got to power positions relatively quickly and by 18 i was already in the "everything sucks and electoral socialism is pointless" phase. As i got mature enough to read theory and do proper research, i gradually moved closer and closer to marxist-leninist ideal and developed a more objective (and, by comparison, positive) opinion of AES countries that our media constantly demonized.
I then had like 4-5 years where i barely did anything in the party but hang around and make use of my reputation/influence i had built until then to occasionally steer the discussion on some votes. But i was already quite certain that this movement was going nowhere, so what i really cared about were the insider informations going around in the main party and in the government (i personally knew people who eventually got elected).
With time i formed my clique of closet communists who do the same, sort of hang around and coordinate to strike when needed.
now i still "pull strings" in both the youth wing and the main party, but because of my ideology i rarely engage in activism or debates. I use it as a way to scout for promising radical zoomers and as a platform to dish out the occasional marxist analysis of situations.
I'm trying to find my way towards something more serious and underground, but obv i ain't gonna share much detail right now