No Stupid Questions

Hand sprayer kits on Ali express for $20. How sandpapering ones anus became the norm I do not know. But I for one am never going back.

In Australia to have one you are supposed to have an RPZD fitted and annual inspections by a licensed plumber which isn't cheap. But you can go down to bunnings and get a hand spray with a t piece that comes off the stop cock for your toilet. But a plumber won't install it for you.

It's to do with not having shit go back into the water system. There's also some worry about the hand sprays falling in the bowl and causing bacterial growth. This may all be different in other states though. They exist here but they aren't common.

I love mine when I feel like a chocolate soft serve machine.

Okay, I see you. I'm part of the bidet users, so I'll weigh in.

Warm water bidets exist, they're a bit more of a hassle to install, but they exist, and I promise you that it doesn't really matter. I have a basic cold water bidet, and it's not as weird as you would think, and I thought I would want the warm water bidet like you, but after a few uses, I didn't care at all. I'm not here to convince you between warm/cold water, if you want it, that's totally fine.

It's definitely not messier. Initially sure, it's probably a complete mess, but you're not just doing a quick/short spray. After a few seconds, everything is running clean. The water is clean and so are you.

Wiping is still a thing. I've heard some fancy bidets have air dryers to finish the job, it's not what I have/use, so I dry myself with TP. Unless you spend a fortune, you will too. I'll say that it takes significantly less tp on average to dry myself off from the bidet than it does to clean myself with TP alone. So my TP use is significantly reduced. Saving money on TP by smartly using a little water, is a good trade IMO.

I wouldn't say TP is "successful". I would say it's adequate at best. In a pinch it does enough to keep the smell and filth to a minimum. By no means is the bidet perfect, certainly there are improvements that can be made, but it's better. To put this in perspective, when you next tear a sheet of TP and get some of it on your hand, try wiping it off with TP and see if you feel like your hand is clean. I'd put money on the fact that it won't feel clean until you properly wash it. That's what you're doing with your asshole. You wipe it down with paper and then go about your day. It's "clean"... As in, not caked in shit, but it's still not really clean. There's still bacteria and other gross ass shit (pun absolutely intended) on your anus.

Additional to that, your butthole is a sensitive membrane on your body that you're cleaning with coarse paper all the time. Bidets have been shown to help with various anus related issues like hemorrhoids. Do you want hemorrhoids? If so, keep scraping that sandpaper over your butthole and I'm sure you'll get there some day.

To the point of it being "too much work": my partner and I picked up a luxe bidet neo (I think it's the 120). Super cheap, no frills model. We didn't want to invest because, like you, we weren't sure if we were going to like it/use it. We do, all the time. We're planning on renovating and adding a new bathroom and the new bathroom is getting a bidet when it goes in. Something very nice. Without question. But the luxe model we have was less than $100, and attached to the existing water hookups. It came with everything we needed (we had to also fix a slow leak on the main inlet to the toilet, so we replaced most of the lines in the process, but if our lines had been good, we would have only needed the extra hardware that came with the bidet, in the box). To that end, it's only a matter of picking one up for less than $100 and taking 15 minutes to install using the directions. No plumber needed, no special tools required (maybe just some wrenches... The bidet comes with some plastic wrenches that are Ikea quality, so having an adjustable/worm-gear wrench is helpful).

So if you have less than $100 sitting around doing nothing, and you can spare 15 minutes.... You can have a bidet. So I respectively disagree that it's "too much work to implement".

I'll leave you with this statement: don't knock it until you try it. It's changed our lives for the better.

Do you wash your ass in the shower? Does that make it dirtier? How you think washing with water is going to be dirtier than smearing with paper is mind boggling. Do you just wipe your hands with paper towels when you're done wiping or do you wash them in a sink with water?

It's not just a blind firehose pointed at your ass. There is accuracy with them, good pressure, so you are cleaning more effectively, and the water is ideally contained in the toilet and to your ass crack for the most part, which you're already wanting to clean anyway.

As somebody quite hairy, it helps me get cleaner, more quickly, save tp, and leave nothing to question. I often dab off with a little double fold to dry a little. Idgaf about a little dampness, at least my ass isn't grimey.

Think about how you pressure wash a deck or home exterior, you wouldn't just take a fuckin paper towel and some cleaner and hope your house looks immaculate.

Cold water up your ass on a winter morning is cheap, quick and a lot closer than coffee places so the lack of a warm water line doesn't bother me any.

Do they have the type that's it's own separate bowl requiring you to waddle over to it from the toilet? These always seemed so weird to me versus the type mounted right in the toilet.