i know they're her private journals, and shouldn't necessarily be used as a rule book of any sort to live by; but being 19 myself, i thought i could gain knowledge from a girl who i assumed would most definitely have more common sense than i do.
i'm almost 200 pages in and am actually growing quickly tired of trying to track the different dates and men and boys. maybe the absence of her father plays a big part in this, but whatever enchantment sylvia has worked up in me is quickly made dull by the beginning of her next entry, which is a complete 180 from the last, in the span of a day (i love him, never mind i hate him, and there's this other guy).
one day she's accepted in mademoiselle, eating caviar, drinking champagne staying out late and the next (for no apparent reason) she's dejected, hopeless. and she says it herself, she has everything and more. and i'm unfortunately not seeing it as "no matter how much you have you're still empty", rather than as "this girl has absolutely zero foresight".
these journals have served only to paint sylvia as an extremely ungrateful person, and unfortunately i've gained no insight or found any knowledge to superimpose onto my own life (other than observe how childish and unappreciative one of your favorite authors realistically is)
What's interesting is through your own conclusions you've demonstrated exactly what you attribute to her: a childish and unappreciative outlook. If you're trying to learn something, this is it. This is the moment. And your response to these comments, what you do with them, will also be a growth opportunity. You're missing the lessons by thinking they're going to be obvious rather than taking every opportunity to be mindful, exploratory, and thinking critically.
have you ever thought maybe i'm going to draw a different conclusion about a person than you? based on what i've read, she was very fortunate, and i was much less so. so i will see her as ungrateful while also struggling with my depression, same as the author
Being 19 can be tough. I hope you find the knowledge, or mentorship, you're looking for.