Sadly, this is not the Onion.

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For true stories that you could have sworn were from The Onion.

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British band Sports Team robbed at gunpoint on US tour (www.bbc.com)
submitted 1 hour ago by bOt@zerobytes.monster to c/nottheonion@zerobytes.monster
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The original post: /r/nottheonion by /u/CountyBeginning6510 on 2024-12-04 06:30:36.
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Twelve U.S. Billionaires Now Have a Combined $2 Trillion (inequality.org)
submitted 1 hour ago by bOt@zerobytes.monster to c/nottheonion@zerobytes.monster
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The original post: /r/nottheonion by /u/BiggieTwiggy1two3 on 2024-12-04 03:06:52.
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Road rage driver accused in deadly Las Vegas Strip shooting threatened woman with gun months earlier after cutting line: police (www.8newsnow.com)
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The original post: /r/nottheonion by /u/vt9876 on 2024-12-04 02:42:34.
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Tesla Cybertruck Immediately Dies in Canadian Winter – Owner Bricks the Truck Trying to Use the Defroster, Says “In Love to Heartbroken on the Same Day” (www.torquenews.com)
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The original post: /r/nottheonion by /u/la_de_cha on 2024-12-04 02:35:29.
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Barrister Loses £1.2 Million Inheritance Battle After Accusations of Forgery (globalbenefit.co.uk)
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The original post: /r/nottheonion by /u/Less-Cap-4469 on 2024-12-04 01:25:53.
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Mexico president says Canada has a 'very serious' fentanyl problem (www.ctvnews.ca)
submitted 1 hour ago by bOt@zerobytes.monster to c/nottheonion@zerobytes.monster
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The original post: /r/nottheonion by /u/AaronDotCom on 2024-12-03 23:51:20.
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More than 8 tons of seized cocaine worth $183M offloaded in Fort Lauderdale (www.nbcmiami.com)
submitted 1 hour ago by bOt@zerobytes.monster to c/nottheonion@zerobytes.monster
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The original post: /r/nottheonion by /u/nondescriptun on 2024-12-03 22:22:42.
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Chinese crypto businessman eats his controversial $6.2 million banana art piece (www.npr.org)
submitted 1 hour ago by bOt@zerobytes.monster to c/nottheonion@zerobytes.monster
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The original post: /r/nottheonion by /u/DioriteLover on 2024-12-03 19:06:48.
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Tesla Cybertruck Immediately Dies in Canadian Winter – Owner Bricks the Truck Trying to Use the Defroster, Says “In Love to Heartbroken on the Same Day” (www.torquenews.com)
submitted 10 hours ago by bOt@zerobytes.monster to c/nottheonion@zerobytes.monster
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The original post: /r/nottheonion by /u/CareerPillow376 on 2024-12-03 17:25:22.
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Village People singer will sue any news organization that suggest "Y.M.C.A." is a gay anthem beginning in January 2025 (consequence.net)
submitted 10 hours ago by bOt@zerobytes.monster to c/nottheonion@zerobytes.monster
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The original post: /r/nottheonion by /u/IAdmitILie on 2024-12-03 21:42:12.
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Florida Introduces Bill to Ban 'Weather Modification' (www.newsweek.com)
submitted 10 hours ago by bOt@zerobytes.monster to c/nottheonion@zerobytes.monster
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The original post: /r/nottheonion by /u/throw0101b on 2024-12-03 21:36:23.
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Man accused of shoplifting during ‘Shop With a Cop’ holiday event at Walmart (www.firstalert4.com)
submitted 10 hours ago by bOt@zerobytes.monster to c/nottheonion@zerobytes.monster
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The original post: /r/nottheonion by /u/Spirited-Resource650 on 2024-12-03 20:06:00.
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Why I regret using 23andMe: I gave up my DNA just to find out I’m British (www.theguardian.com)
submitted 10 hours ago by bOt@zerobytes.monster to c/nottheonion@zerobytes.monster
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The original post: /r/nottheonion by /u/MORaHo04 on 2024-12-03 19:21:02.
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Kansas City, Missouri, looks to establish policy for usage of ‘Kansas City’ (www.kshb.com)
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The original post: /r/nottheonion by /u/bowling128 on 2024-12-03 18:26:05.

Per the article Kansas City, MO is seeking to limit the usage of Kansas City within the Kansas City Metro including potentially trying to trademark ‘Kansas City’ and force Kansas City, Kansas to distinguish itself as being in Kansas.

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Russian disinformation campaign claims Stalker 2 is being used to locate Ukraine war conscripts (www.techspot.com)
submitted 10 hours ago by bOt@zerobytes.monster to c/nottheonion@zerobytes.monster
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The original post: /r/nottheonion by /u/FourteenCoast on 2024-12-03 17:00:33.
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Jack in the Box Tests New Burrito Filled with Noodles (www.brandeating.com)
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The original post: /r/nottheonion by /u/Miguenzo on 2024-12-03 16:27:02.
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Satanic Temple begins religious release program at Ohio elementary school (www.cleveland.com)
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The original post: /r/nottheonion by /u/clevelanddotcom on 2024-12-03 14:02:44.
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Replica Harry Potter swords recalled for breaking weapons law (www.bbc.com)
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The original post: /r/nottheonion by /u/BiggieTwiggy1two3 on 2024-12-03 13:20:13.
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Cash envelope returned to Head Hunters after cops misread ‘drags profit’ as ‘drugs profit’ (www.newstalkzb.co.nz)
submitted 19 hours ago by bOt@zerobytes.monster to c/nottheonion@zerobytes.monster
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The original post: /r/nottheonion by /u/Jacinda-Muldoon on 2024-12-03 11:48:56.
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German Island To End Ritual Of Spanking Women With Cow Horn. (www.dw.com)
submitted 19 hours ago by bOt@zerobytes.monster to c/nottheonion@zerobytes.monster
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The original post: /r/nottheonion by /u/OasisLiamStan72 on 2024-12-03 11:19:14.
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A chef whose van was stolen with 2,500 pies inside is urging the thieves to donate the loot (apnews.com)
submitted 19 hours ago by bOt@zerobytes.monster to c/nottheonion@zerobytes.monster
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The original post: /r/nottheonion by /u/Several_Print4633 on 2024-12-03 09:57:51.
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Alleged OVP fund recipient ‘Mary Grace Piattos’ lacks birth record. (www.abs-cbn.com)
submitted 19 hours ago by bOt@zerobytes.monster to c/nottheonion@zerobytes.monster
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The original post: /r/nottheonion by /u/ShittyIslander on 2024-12-03 05:49:49.

Context: "Piattos" is the name of a chip brand in the Philippines.

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Bear attacks worker, ransacks meat section in Japan supermarket rampage (edition.cnn.com)
submitted 19 hours ago by bOt@zerobytes.monster to c/nottheonion@zerobytes.monster
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The original post: /r/nottheonion by /u/Aaaaaaarrrrrggggghh on 2024-12-03 05:27:10.
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Man Sets Forest Ablaze After Trying To Light Spider On Fire; Wyoming Officials Caution Against That (cowboystatedaily.com)
submitted 19 hours ago by bOt@zerobytes.monster to c/nottheonion@zerobytes.monster
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The original post: /r/nottheonion by /u/Decent-Foundation-75 on 2024-12-03 05:21:52.
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IHOP server of 13 years says she was fired after giving man in need a stack of pancakes (local12.com)
submitted 19 hours ago by bOt@zerobytes.monster to c/nottheonion@zerobytes.monster
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The original post: /r/nottheonion by /u/Somebody_iw29 on 2024-12-03 05:14:17.
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