this post was submitted on 18 Oct 2023
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Israel Military Reports It Was You, The Reader, Who Blew Up Hospital (www.theonion.com)
submitted 1 year ago by Clodsire@lemmy.ml to c/theonion@midwest.social
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GAZA CITY, GAZA—Following conflicting accounts of a horrific attack on a Gaza hospital, officials from the Israeli Defense Forces released a new statement Wednesday that claimed it was you, the reader of this very article, who committed the act of terror.

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[–] livus@kbin.social 249 points 1 year ago (3 children)

Damn the Onion is on fire lately.

[–] photonic_sorcerer@lemmy.dbzer0.com 29 points 1 year ago (1 children)

And all it took was a human catastrophe.

[–] fleabomber@lemm.ee 14 points 1 year ago

Crazy-laugh-cry

[–] brewery 13 points 1 year ago

So true, its keeping me slightly more sane (less insane maybe more accurate) about the whole mess

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[–] theotherone@kbin.social 148 points 1 year ago (4 children)

I suspected me all along. The signs were all there.

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[–] WhyEssEff@hexbear.net 95 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (4 children)

what really blew up the hospital was the friends we made along the way

[–] AOCapitulator@hexbear.net 23 points 1 year ago

if we is the US and friends we "made" is taken literally..

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[–] RizzRustbolt@lemmy.world 55 points 1 year ago (3 children)

I am disgusted by my actions.

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[–] uphillbothways@kbin.social 54 points 1 year ago

We've been trying to reach you about your hospital's extended warranty...

[–] Infamousblt@hexbear.net 48 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Shit sorry I knew I should have eaten less beans last night

[–] Grandwolf319@sh.itjust.works 38 points 1 year ago

Thank god I didn’t read the article.

[–] TheBlue22@lemmy.blahaj.zone 31 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Sorry I was hungry

[–] ChihuahuaOfDoom@lemmy.world 9 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Have a snickers

[–] krimsonbun@lemmy.blahaj.zone 11 points 1 year ago

you're not you when you're hungry

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[–] Annoyed_Crabby@monyet.cc 30 points 1 year ago

Ahh shit, got found out. Time to run

[–] TrismegistusMx@slrpnk.net 29 points 1 year ago

What if the real treasure is the hospitals we bombed along the way?

[–] cloud@lazysoci.al 29 points 1 year ago (1 children)

they are not wrong, it's your tax money being used there

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[–] roguetrick@kbin.social 29 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Man, that guy that got mad about a joke that called him dense regarding this topic is going to be pissed about this.

[–] hightrix@lemmy.world 13 points 1 year ago

You have me as a reference when you apply to The Onion.

[–] bquintb@midwest.social 28 points 1 year ago

Mah bad

[–] Dogyote@slrpnk.net 26 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I KNEW IT!

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[–] PwnTra1n@lemmy.world 23 points 1 year ago

I’m sure I had a good reason

[–] altima_neo@lemmy.zip 22 points 1 year ago

Woopsie doodles

[–] Caligvla@lemmy.dbzer0.com 19 points 1 year ago

Shit, they caught me!

[–] Jordan117@lemmy.world 19 points 1 year ago

Osama Bin Laden Found Inside Each Of Us

[–] JamesConeZone@hexbear.net 18 points 1 year ago

Reader response criticism has gone too far! Stanley Fish in shambles!

[–] shiveyarbles@beehaw.org 16 points 1 year ago

I knew it, it was the Ambien

[–] Resol@lemmy.world 14 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Guess I am banned from leaving my house then

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[–] MxM111@kbin.social 13 points 1 year ago

Haha! I am pacifist and I did not open the link!

[–] FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 9 points 1 year ago

Yeah? So? What's the big deal?

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