Casual Conversation

Why have you convinced yourself that you have nothing and that you need to be in a relationship to have something?

Thing is, that a relationship can be very fulfilling, this is true.

But thinking, that being in a relationship will fix a bad view on life or problems, the relationship will suffer.
Relationship is work. And often very painful work, because you have to step over your shadow and accept, that some of your deeply treasured perspectives (that protected you in times of pain) are now just wrong and destroy said relationship

So starting to work on yourself and being content with yourself is always the first step. Else the relationship will be even harder to work through those issues

At least that was my experience
But yeah, having someone to love is great and having someone to love you is nice.

As a fairly attractive person who also suffers from depression. It really doesn't matter. I can find so many reasons why other people don't like me. So many reasons why my actions are ultimately pointless and worthless. And that's the thing, when I'm depressed I think I'm ugly. Don't take my word for it, think of all the Hollywood stars that have or do suffer from depression.

I don't think it matters what you have. Depression can make a shit sandwich out of any situation. But once you work through it and become fun to be around things change. Even if you're only fun for yourself to be around, that's one more person who likes you.

I've just looked at your post history and it seems we have a lot in common, I've been out of work, have depression, feel incredible lonely at times. I spent my life on the other hand chasing relationships, sex, none of it solved my issues because my issues are deeper than that. Yours probably are too and my advice is to find what it is you need and the rest will full in to place.

Good luck out there comrade.

First, you must love yourself. Then, love others - family, friends, or strangers. Expect nothing in return. If you can get over those two hurdles, it will be a lot easier to be loved.

Imagine if you hated tofu. But you wanted to convince others to love tofu. Maybe you’re a door to door tofu salesman. Only a gifted con artists can make that sale. In this example you are tofu.

In every relationship, from professional to familial to romantic, you must constantly give more than you get. Most of what you give will be taken for granted. But you’ll notice who appreciates you, and they will get more of your time and effort.

Anyway it’s not that great being loved. It’s a burden in some ways, because of how carefully that burden must be carried. You must act in service to those who love you. Love can be suffocating, and blinding. Many people forgo their own health in service to those who love them. It’s a difficult balance. But for evolutionary reasons, it feels like it’s “enough” in life to be loved. And that peace is hard to find through other means.

There’s a freedom that comes with loneliness. You can travel and explore. You can take much bigger risks. You can make foolish and selfish decisions.

The grass always looks greener in the neighbors yard.

Being desired is OK. Having sex is OK. Feeling deeply understood is unmatched.

I was in a 12 year relationship and I didn't feel that. I am in a new 1 year relationship and I don't feel that. Do I appreciate my partner? Yes. Am I attracted to them? Yes. But I crave to be understood.

Hi!

I understand that you're feeling frustrated, but it's important to consider that there are so many great things in life other than sex and reproduction. You're not a failure, you're still young, and there's so many great things to see, learn, and do! There are even people who choose not to have sex, get into a romantic relationship, or have kids, and they're capable of living happy lives. Your purpose in life is whatever you want it to be.

There's over 8 billion people on this planet, and finding someone who loves you for you is just a matter of when, not if. For now, I'd think about why you feel the need to put yourself down this much. What makes you think that you have literally nothing in your life, and what would make you reconsider that thought? Do you really feel that you have nothing and you need to be in a relationship with someone to have something, or is it something that others have pressured you into believing?

I've seen a couple of your posts before and I wonder if working in customer service, maybe just as a cashier at a convenience store might help you. Its mindless, menial work but it allows for short interactions with a lot of people. You get to see your community in a different light and meet people you wouldn't otherwise. Maybe eventually you will find your voice and gain the confidence and a few friends that will help you network into better situations. Maybe going to the gym would also help, getting proper cardio and strength training did a lot for my mood and physical self esteem. Also, you are only 35, you will be young-ish for at least another decade if you take care of yourself.

Also, you appear to live in Europe, why not save your money for a train trip to Amsterdam if never being with someone sexually is causing you so much frustration? I'm sure at least some of those workers have experience with people like yourself and would be patient enough to try to help, maybe chat about it too. Honestly just talking openly with someone like that about your situation, someone whose job it is to approach someone intimately might help. This is probably a terrible idea but it is an option, if you feel like you don't have others it might be worth considering.

Loneliness and depression play tricks on you, keep your eyes open for possibilities and a year from now your outlook could be very different.

Do you sometimes feel like you were born on the wrong planet?

when you have literally NOTHING in your life

Clearly not you then. You don't appear to be dying from starvation, cold, or conflict. You're articulate and capable of writing with perfectly acceptable spelling and grammar. You have access to the internet. You're way ahead of 90% of humanity. Check that privilege!

Get off your self-pity cloud and do something. Learn some new skills - there's plenty of free courses out there. Improve yourself. Learn skills, earn money, use money to better your situation. Stop blaming the world, it owes you nothing. You, and only you, are responsible for your happiness.