Work Reform

I would start out more conciliatory. You want a positive outcome, right?

Hey Jane,. I really appreciate that you're invested in my professional development. Working with you has taught me a lot. But I have my own way of processing and organizing my work. Would you mind if I did things my own way going forward?

Afterward document this conversation by sending it to yourself by email. Continue to document your repeated, polite, professional requests. If necessary, bring to your boss if the situation escalates. But it's always best to try to work things out directly with your coworkers if you can, before bringing in management. You're going to have to keep working together regardless.

"I'm always open to legitimate feedback, but trying to make me do things exactly like you do is not helpful. If you see a problem with my work, please let me know how it's a problem and what the consequence may be. If I hear you and disagree with you, you need to hear me and let it go."

What's tough here is you work in healthcare. Open communication and feeling comfortable calling someone out for an error are key to avoiding patient harm, so it's probably in your best interest to maintain open lines of communication with her, even if you're having to constantly assert boundaries

"There's no need to micromanage me. I got this, and I know what I'm doing. When you micromanage me, all you're doing is wasting your time and mine."

I think that is likely to result in confrontation. As a general rule I'd suggest always discussing this with your manager first - if you communicate with them directly it may turn into an HR issue where your direct communication would be highly scrutinized.

My advice would be to talk candidly with your manager and express what has happened already and how you feel about it - then my suggestion, as a manager myself, is to suggest a meeting with you, her and the technical decision maker (whether that's a manager or a tech lead) to discuss the scenario and different solutions you can take. It is extremely unlikely (and generally unhealthy for a workplace) for the final path to be entirely your idea or hers - compromise is the expected outcome here. Compromise breeds further cooperation so even if your entire solution is just outright better a good lead will make sure opinions from everyone are incorporated into the plan. You'll end up having a brainstorming session essentially with a chaperone to make sure neither person is disregarded and should come out better for it.

I've been a dev (junior through senior), I've been an architect, and I've been a manager - I want to stress that the technical outcome of this decision is usually secondary to mending the team rift. I have, as an architect, conceded to a bad plan to give confidence to an intermediate developer (and made my boss aware of everything going on) and then immediately set out building a plan to fix it once the solution went live (and no, i didn't "I told you so" or anything, I just silently built the plan and made sure we could easily pivot our implementation). Working together and building a positive team environment is extremely important.

Is ignoring her completely an option? That's my usual go to followed by telling them to eat a bag of dicks and fuck off, you're not my boss.

"Okay, thanks for your ideas. I'm good for now, though."

In a kind but neutral manner, ask her to inspect a toilet bowl at close range and then force her head into it, until she drowns.

Please tell me you're not going to be crossposting your weird weekly questions on a new account.

That said, yeah sure talk to her about it, and then your boss if that doesn't work.

https://www.pinterest.com/pin/794815034214740333/ Perhaps something here can help.