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Wisconsin judge sides with 11-year-old trans girl over her right to use school toilets
(www.thepinknews.com)
this post was submitted on 14 Jul 2023
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I think it's very difficult, in practice, to "teach" young children about gender identity without falling back on stereotypes and gender conformity.
Since an 8-year-old girl doesn't have overtly feminine characteristics like breasts or wide hips to feel physically uncomfortable with, how do you explain what it means to "feel like a boy"? The examples I've seen in elementary schools revert to showing a boy in a dress as "feeling like a girl"...when really, preferences for toys or clothing shouldn't determine your gender or cis/trans-ness. (And even at older ages, being uncomfortable with newly-sprouted breasts or hating periods doesn't make you a trans boy, of course.)
I also think there is danger in quizzing children about this at a very young age and then taking them literally. Some of my coworkers have "transitioned" their toddlers and pre-schoolers ... but these kids are still young enough to identify as cats and dogs and fairies, depending on the day. In this case, the adults aren't intentionally grooming. But it's likely that they're asking leading questions and misinterpreting childhood play through their own lens of having an established gender identity.
IMO, we'd all benefit from taking gender a bit less seriously.
What's the danger? If a kid decides that they're a different gender, and then changes their mind back later, what harm has been done?
I think it's healthy for kids to experiment when they're still figuring out their identity. The harm comes when adults stigmatize this stuff so that a kid thinks that they're bad or wrong for being different.
I agree that it's healthy to experiment. At four years old, I was a "boy" whenever I played Peter Pan. And as a teen, I happened to go through a rather butch phase when I could easily be confused for a boy. I'm thankful that my parents weren't at all hung up on gender conformity, and neither was the community.
But if parents make a big deal out of changing a kid's name and pronouns and clothing, and swapping all the gender-stereotypical toys of one gender for another, and joining pride groups and making it a central part of the family's identity ... I think that creates a LOT of pressure for that child to continue in a trans identity (even though it's pretty unlikely their toddler was actually trans to begin with).
Why not dress however you like, play with whatever toys you like, but hold off on the assumption that gender non-conformity = transgender child? Or hold off on trying to "teach" these concepts to a little person who's perfectly content just eating dirt and playing tag?
My nephew right now is two and a half and pretty oblivious of gender. He shows no objection with being referred to with male pronouns, and yet his daycare teachers refuse to use he/him pronouns until he "comes out as cis" (in the meantime, all children are "they"). The parents in this community also fly flags and post messages like "trans children are sacred" and "bless the queer kids" constantly. It might sound lovely, and it's meant to be inclusive ... but children are quick to pick up on favoritism and which kids are considered special. In addition to that general sentiment, if parents keep asking, "Are you a boy or a girl? It's ok if you feel like a girl, sweetie" ... then eventually kids will parrot back whatever terms they hear, or whatever they think will earn a positive response. (Case in point: if you ask my nephew in an enthusiastic voice, he may confirm his identity as "cat" and "dog" and "cement mixer".)
In short: if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Don't create complexity where there wasn't any before.
My guess is that in the vast majority of cases, adults who officially "transition" their very young children are simply projecting their own desire for ally-ship. And my main gripe remains: if teachers and counselors continue to conflate gender non-conformity with transgenderism, then clearly they aren't qualified to "teach" what it is in the first place. Let boys in dresses and girls with short hair be just that, without probing for more.
I wish we could all just shut up and not give a shit about other peoples gender