this post was submitted on 19 Apr 2024
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The problem is those family sets the standard for everyone.
In middle school it started from poor family who can't afford other activities than handing down their old smartphone, then the percentage grew to the point not giving a smartphone to your kid means he's isolated from the group.
Perhaps, but parents need to commit to what they know is healthy for their kids. I didn't have a phone until I bought it myself in college, even though "everyone" had a phone. My sister is doing the same with her family (has a 17yo with no phone), and I plan to do the same with mine (10yo w/ no phone).
My kids (oldest 10) can whine as much as they want, but they're not getting a phone until they earn my trust. And given how much they break the rules we already have, it's going to be a while.
My sister and I aren't poor, nor were we growing up, we're both middle class or even a bit above. More people need to push back, because phones seem to be screwing kids up. Look at statistics for suicide and depression, suicide seems to be going up while depression remains pretty consistent, and that seems to have changed right around the time when smartphones became ubiquitous (2015-ish).
So no, my kids aren't getting phones anytime soon, and it really doesn't matter what their friends' parents do.
The problem with this approach is that you might be cutting off your kids from their friends.
Smartphone messaging apps are the way kids communicate nowadays, and if your kid is not in the group chat he/she is isolated.
Yes, that's the FOMO angle, but kids find a way.
Growing up, most of my friends had phones, and while I missed stuff, I went to most of the parties and had good friends. My sister has teenagers, and they have strong friend networks and whatnot. Good friends will accommodate you.
But communication is a small part of what kids do on their phones. A lot of it is "preparation," like following TikTok trends so they're up on what's currently popular. There's almost no positives here, only negatives if you don't spend your time the same way your peers do. If they don't have a phone at all, they'll blame their parents, but it's not the failing of the individual. I'm totally willing to be the "bad guy" if it means my kids aren't being peer pressured to do things that aren't beneficial to them. They'll still have access to tech, but only during limited times at home.
Good friends will work around your lack of access to a phone. I absolutely think the negatives outweigh the positives here, so I'm not letting my kids have a phone, it's not worth subjecting them to addiction and peer pressure. To me, it's like smoking (which was still cool when I was a kid), it just impacts your mental health instead of physical health.