Casual Conversation

I've seen a couple of your posts before and I wonder if working in customer service, maybe just as a cashier at a convenience store might help you. Its mindless, menial work but it allows for short interactions with a lot of people. You get to see your community in a different light and meet people you wouldn't otherwise. Maybe eventually you will find your voice and gain the confidence and a few friends that will help you network into better situations. Maybe going to the gym would also help, getting proper cardio and strength training did a lot for my mood and physical self esteem. Also, you are only 35, you will be young-ish for at least another decade if you take care of yourself.

Also, you appear to live in Europe, why not save your money for a train trip to Amsterdam if never being with someone sexually is causing you so much frustration? I'm sure at least some of those workers have experience with people like yourself and would be patient enough to try to help, maybe chat about it too. Honestly just talking openly with someone like that about your situation, someone whose job it is to approach someone intimately might help. This is probably a terrible idea but it is an option, if you feel like you don't have others it might be worth considering.

Loneliness and depression play tricks on you, keep your eyes open for possibilities and a year from now your outlook could be very different.