this post was submitted on 01 Nov 2024
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Ye Power Trippin' Bastards

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This is a community in the spirit of "Am I The Asshole" where people can post their own bans from lemmy or reddit or whatever and get some feedback from others whether the ban was justified or not.

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Five days ago, drag was banned from !politicalmemes@lemmy.world for using neopronouns. A comment explaining drag's pronouns, and a comment saying "drag" isn't a nickname, were removed with the reason "trolling". Drag understands why someone would think that using different pronouns than most people is trolling - transphobia. However, drag is confused how on earth not liking a nickname is a violation of any rules anywhere.

Context of the removed comments:

Drag would like to pre-empt any further accusations of trolling by asking a question: If drag were a right wing troll, and you chose to freely accept drag's pronouns, wouldn't that completely neuter the trolling attempt? Trolling is about trying to make others upset. You don't have to get upset when someone uses unusual pronouns. If you aren't transphobic, then it's impossible to troll you that way. And drag promises: drag wants you to not be transphobic. Drag is not trying to upset anyone. If you do what drag wants you to do, then you get what you want too. This is a non-issue, there's only a problem if you want there to be.

EDIT: DRAG DID NOT TELL ANYBODY TO USE DRAG'S PREFERRED PRONOUNS.

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[–] Diva@lemmy.ml 4 points 2 weeks ago

I think that that no where is that made anymore clear than the sentences they have written, many of which are borderline incomprehensible some even using “drag” to refer to other people in the situation.

I would agree that using 'drag' to refer to other people is unacceptable on top of being confusing.

I think in my experience with DroneRights and the Me/My person that getting mad at someone for this intention is not really reasonable, as they do not have malicious intent.

I also agree with the observation that some people have been instrumentalizing identity as a way to provoke others. The Me/My bit in particular sounds a bit megalomaniacal.

Intent is extremely important here, after all they/them is indeed used for non-specific scenarios or when you don’t know a singular person’s gender, it ls also very commonly used as a non-binary pronoun for non-binary people.

For me the pattern I often observe (as a nonbinary trans person who prefers binary pronouns) is that no matter how obvious they are, if I say something that someone disagrees with it's open season to 'that guy' me and claim that 'it's just the gender neutral usage' when challenged on it. They always seem to double down if I press.

I will not accept the idea that they/them is dehumanizing as that is dismissive towards all the people who use or even prefer they/them for themselves. In cases where a person has shared their pronouns let’s say she/her and another person decides to use they/them to avoid it intentionally that is indeed wrong, not simply because they did it but also because they had malicious intent.

I certainly wasn't saying that they/them is dehumanizing or dismissive, but that it is degendering rather than gender affirming, and just because someone is nonbinary they can still have a binary preference for how they are referred to in respectful circles.

I already anticipate being accused of being a transphobe and getting called a cissy, so I want to preface all of this by saying I am Agender, I am not cis,

I already figured that out from your earlier posts, respect. 🤘