this post was submitted on 04 Sep 2024
1035 points (96.8% liked)

The Onion

4593 readers
525 users here now

The Onion

A place to share and discuss stories from The Onion, Clickhole, and other satire.

Great Satire Writing:

founded 3 years ago
MODERATORS
you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
[–] Warl0k3@lemmy.world 3 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (1 children)

You realize you sound insane, right? Plate carriers? For kids? Come on, they all already have backpacks. We just issue each kid with a ballistic plate and tuck them in there. Maybe some anti-spalling pads too. Sure it might be a little heavier, but think of the exercise they'd get! We can call it "No Child Shot From Behind"!

[–] SomeAmateur@sh.itjust.works 2 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) (1 children)

No no no we just fill the plates with tannerite and ball bearings so as soon as a shooter hits a backpack the shooter is taken out AND ends the suffering of the victims!

[–] SatansMaggotyCumFart@lemmy.world 2 points 2 months ago

I'm just imagining the chain reaction if a bunch of kids are together.