Dads

Plans? What are you getting the woman who's delivered you to the pinnacle of human existence: Fatherhood?

Tomorrow. Don't forget. And absolutely don't ask to go for a nap.

I loath it, but alas, it is for the children.

What character from a TV show that also has a book is your child going to school dressed as? And how much did you have to fork out for the costume?

I have my first child due very soon. It's already been an internal oddysey for me during pregnancy and I'm aware that that's just the beginning of it. But you lot are on the other side of the birth, so:

What should I understand right now to help me keep the courage and love to embrace this?

Also, a very humble request that you could spare a wish that our baby is born well. I really want it and anything might help!

Thanks!

I'm not entirely sure what this post is for, I guess I'm just looking for some advice, maybe a little understanding?

The last few weeks I've been feeling incredibly overwhelmed, overworked and generally just burnt out.

For context I work a 50 hour week in a warehouse; it's a pretty crap job that physically really takes it out of me. My weekends? Well my partner then goes to work for 2 days; which means I'm solo-parenting the five and two year old.

The eldest is full of sass, and the youngest is still yet to sleep through the night and appears to be dropping his one and only nap; meaning he's super grumpy all the time.

Parenting is hard work at the best of time, but right now all I seem to do is work and then solo-parent. And it's the solo part that I'm struggling with. There's no time to share the load with Mum (and she'd say the same thing) , there's no time to focus on housework whilst the other parent handles the kids, there's not even any time to sit down as a family and enjoy an evening dinner.

Work. Parent. Work. Parent. It's absolutely exhausting and there doesn't appear to be any light at the end of the tunnel.

Update

Just wanted to say thank you for the kind messages. I vowed to have a good day yesterday and as much as the kids tried to stop that, I did end up having a pretty good time.

Parenting is hard, so I really value having a place to come talk about those issues in a safe space. Once again, thank you.

You made it. Now for the real work to begin.

I've taken an early day (on the understanding that my partner and the kids would be out) so I was planning on getting some reading time in. Unfortunately for me, the family is not out, and now I'm regretting my choices. Oh well.

Tomorrow? No idea. I've almost ran out of decent ways to keep the kids occupied during the months of bad weather, and am eagerly looking forward to the spring and summer months.

What are you guys planning for the weekend?

One of the first things I noticed when we embarked on this great adventure was just how tailed to Mum everything seemed to be.

I get it, they're likely to be the ones doing the majority of the caregiving, but still, as a hands-on dad I couldn't help but feel a little...pushed out by things. Nothing massive for sure, but little things like how a good chunk of the online resources are written as if Mum is reading exclusively. Or how pretty much every baby group in my area is advertised as a Mum and Baby group. It's far from the end of the world, but it can be pretty intimidating and unwelcoming to a new Dad.

I guess I just wanted to say that today was a good day.

I had some... challenges when it came to becoming a dad for the second time, and so last year (his first birthday) was a bit of a rough one for me. I love the kid, but I struggle at times.....

I wanted to make sure that this year, things were different. And they were. I took the day off work, Lil'man had the day out with me and mummy (sorry big sis - school for you) and he absolutely loved it.

Lots of cake. Lots of photos. Lots of hugs and smiles, and lots of memories. A good day for sure.

Having a rough morning fellas. The lil'one has been up since 6 and to be frank, won't stop. The eldest is finally at school but even that was a nightmare.

So in this brief moment of respite I thought this might be a handy way of relieving a little stress; a pressure valve if you will.

Finish the sentence:

'I love my kids but....'

*This is a safe space. Feel free to vent

Low key one of the most stressful things I've ever done. And we're taking the easy way out and having a softplay party.

There's still so much to do. Invites, gift bags, food and dietary requirements, cake! And then you've got all the other worries...what if no one turns up, what if everyone has a bad time? What if my kid locks up and spends the entire time crying and/or not wanting to play?

It's going to be okay right?????

Won't lie. The last few weeks have been rough. My eldest is pushing boundaries at an alarming rate, and the youngest still hasn't slept through the night.

I've not been very well and work has been getting me down. All in all, our household isn't having a rough spell. It gets easier riiiiiight?

The first time in my near-six year spell as a parent I finally had the fabled 'supermarket meltdown'.

Not for transparency sake I'll admit, the meltdown began the Moment we left the house and I had the nerve, the gaul to...hold my two year olds hand whilst walking to the shops.

30 minutes later and, well we get to the shops. I've been kicked, hit and screamed at for the entire walk because my unruly toddler didn't want to hold my hand...but also didn't want to be carried.

And then it happened. Lemons. We didn't need lemons. He didn't truly even want them. But alas, he decided this was his hill to die on, and oh boy.

Told him no. Offered him my hand. Nothing. He wouldn't budge from the lemons. My eldest is off doing her own thing with grandad, but even they heard what was to come: the scream. So much screaming.

I scooped him up whilst trying to hold a jar of Bolagnese sauce and a packet of Garlic and Herb New Potatoes and quickly made my way to the middle of the store. As my toddler screams with the intensity of a thousand angry sun-gods I hand him the goods and make my way outside, away from judging eyes. My son then proceeds to scream for a further five minutes before ultimately, giving in and accepting defeat.

So yeah. That was my Sunday afternoon. I handled it fine but bloody hell it took the shine of what should have been a nice little walk.

How have your kids pissed you off recently??

My mother is having the kids, both of them.

For the first time in six years me and my sleep deprived partner are having a night away from our ~~spawn~~ kids at the same time.

Granted we've got to go to a hotel to do it, and we've got to be back before mid-day tomorrow....but one whole night baby!

We're gonna get food. We're gonna fall asleep on an uncomfortable bed and get woken up early by someone making far too much noise...but at least it won't be our kid.

Small victories and all that.

My eldest (5) recently started showing an interest in litter picking. So we grabbed her a stick and she started using it on the way home from school (with an adults supervision).

I mean don't get me wrong, she's a nightmare as soon as she gets in the door but for that brief 25 minute walk home she's making me super proud.

The eldest decided she didn't actually like the fireworks, so she cried for twenty minutes whilst we left....only to then tell us she didn't want to leave when we finally got back to the car.

Then when we got stuck in the inevitable exit traffic both kids were screaming in the car for a good 20 minutes.

Finally get home, little man goes to bed, the daughter is flirting with the idea of bedtime........and the neighbours start letting the big boys off.

I don't condone terrorism but sometimes I wonder if my life wouldn't be easier if Fawkes and his mates had actually pulled it off, the mad lads.

How's your 'Bonfire weekend' going?

What did you find harder, or perhaps 'a bigger shock to the system'. Going from zero kids to one, or going from one to two, two to three.

Sorry for the word-salad. I'd have written a shorter post, but I don't have the time.

We all stumble. We don't always have someone to talk to about it, so there's this thread. What went wrong and can you ever forgive yourself? Probably not, if you're like me. No judgment.

Had an absolutely awful night. Our 19 month old has still never slept through, and he's got a cold...and the clocks have gone back.

05:10. That's when he decided the day had begun. It's going to be a loooooooooong day.

What about you?

Posting this separate after my comment became so long…

I’m having a general panic that my 15 year old daughter does not need me at all and I do not factor into her life whatsoever. Try to speak to her and she teases me and brushes me off. Her girlfriend wrote my wife a lovely note how she and my son are so lucky to have a mother who cares about them so much. No mention or even nod to the fact that I exist. We parent as a team…the way she is raised and all of the love and support she gets is 50/50 in my opinion, although my wife has the direct conversations about relationships, sex, girl stuff because she doesn’t want to talk to me about that.

I suffered emotionally as a kid/teen and I have fought to get her therapy and medication, she went from being anxious beyond belief with suicidal ideation to pretty fucking happy nowadays…and that’s because I fought for that, based on my experience. I’ve given her the support I wish I had.

Anyway, I hope it’s just a phase and she will talk to me again someday without giggling like I’m just a weirdo. I know what it’s like to be a teenager, I have a lot of wisdom. I love the shit out of her. I hope it passes and we are super close again at some point.

Won't lie. This week has been a challenge. Work has, well been horrific. And then I come home and on top of all the other things that a working parent has to put up with, my eldest has seemingly decided to make it her personal mission to make my life a living hell.

How are you guys doing?

We're going to be flying to the US soon and it's the longest trip we've done with our child. It's an 8 hour flight entirely during daylight hours, and I am slightly (read: very) apprehensive about the chaos that could unfold. Any tips or experiences?

Never really know how to tackle Halloween. I'm one of those old farts that still find it to be a bit ....well, I don't love it.

That said, it seems like I'm one of the few remaining holdouts, and my eldest absolutely loves it.

So what does your Halloween look like?

Seriously. This thing is amazing.

My daughter is approaching 3 and my wife has suggested a tablet either as a birthday or Christmas present, and I’m a bit hesitant. It’d be great for long trips, but I think as a day-to-day thing it might be a distraction. It’d get Spidey and Friends off the telly though. How and when did you handle this?